A SPADE IS A SPADE YEA?

In my many hours of TV watching and living life, I've noticed that people have been giving celebrity men passes on on doing/wearing gay sh*t just because their rich! To that I say..."EFF THAT". 

I'm sure you've heard them! 

"O Kanye can carry any bag he wants cuz he's rich!"

"Lebron could do what he wants cuz he gettin' that league bread!"

"D Wade just livin' that Miami life!"

"Weezy can wear women's boots and kiss men in the mouth cuz he gettin' money and bi***es"

Again to all that I say...EFF THAT!  If you would call ya maanz gay for doing ANY (and I do mean ANY) of the above, then you damn sure better give these celebrities the same damn "credit" AT THE SAME DAMN TIME!

Some of you probably upset by this post.  "NOW ALL YALL HOES CRYIN'..." (SCROLL DOWN)

WHO THE HELL ARE YOU TO TELL ME...?

When Steve Harvey gave us "Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man", I would often hear people say things like: "What advice could he give me! He's been divorced twice!" or "He cheated on his wife! I'm not hearing what he has to say!"  Or how about this one; "What makes him such an expert on relationships?".  However, long before Mr. Harvey began administering love advice, people have been making such proclamations about anyone who attempted to dish out what they felt was helpful info regarding relationships.  If you were single or divorced, people would often deem you unfit to give advice on how to make relationships work.

Ok, so a person's been divorced!  Hell, a person's been divorced multiple times.  I'm guessing it's the half empty side of the glass that tells you they can't advise you on what to do huh?  Well how about the half full side of the glass that may be telling you they can advise you on what NOT to do?  Because clearly they've gotten that part down.  As a matter of fact, if your still not convinced on taking advice from a divorced person, you can even go a step further and spin it this way:  Instead of asking them what they did to make their marriage/relationship last as long as it did, ask them what they did that caused things to end.  I think you'd be hard-pressed to walk away without having learned something useful.  Hell, going back to my initial Steve Harvey reference, for all those who talk about how he divorced twice, he's also married three times!  So he may actually be learning from each experience.  He may have learned from some "what-not-to-do's" and developed some useful "what-to-do's" *IJS*.

Now on to the never-been-married single folk out there.  Better yet, since I fit into that category, lets talk about me.  So I've never been married.  That automatically disqualifies me from giving meaningful marriage advice?  I don't know shit about marriage?  Well I've never been to the Amazon, but I know you shouldn't fuck with an anaconda.  I've never been to India, but I know a Bengal tiger will rip into that ass.  You see where I'm going with this?  You don't have to necessarily experience something to know something about it.  Now of course having experience in something you're going to discuss is usually a plus, but not having "experience" doesn't always keep you from "getting the job".  Giving advice is what started me blogging in the first place!  People felt the gems I was dropping were thought-provoking at the very least.  There was plenty of opportunity for people to tell me I didn't know what I was talking about, or what I thought didn't matter b/c I was not in their situation.

Here's one thing to consider before you shut down someone who's not in your situation. Sometimes that can actually be a GOOD thing!  They may be able to help you see a situation from a different angle.  Their judgement is not likely to be clouded by the same thing that's clouding yours.  It's the person on "the outside looking in" who can warn you that someone just "snuck into your home".  Catch my drift?

There's many a person with a divorced/single parent (maybe even some of you reading this) who've had no problem taking relationship advice from said parent, even though that parent fits the initial criteria.  Why are they viewed any different others in their situation? Simply because "kids" want to believe mother/father knows best!  If their marital/relationship status doesn't matter, then why should somebody else's?  After all, sound advice is sound advice yea?

At the end of the day, whoever you choose to take (or not take) advice from is up to you. After all, you are an adult.  I'm just saying don't automatically rule out a person simply because they don't fit some conjured up description of where sound advice comes from. So even if you think a person won't know shit, just remember "You could learn a lot from a dummy".

But hey, what do I know?

I SAY "FUCKIT"!

This blog entry was definitely inspired by conversations I've had with female friends of mine.  Friends of mine who are in good places/positions in life.  You know, good job, own place, own car, attractive.  They seemingly have their lives together.  Good positions indeed.  However they seem to be lacking in one (or some) of the most important positions out there...the SEXUAL ONES!  Yes there seem to be "put-together" WOMEN out there who are struggling in the sex department!  Now I'm sure there are those of you who think I'm going down the path of "men are intimidated by these women", "their standards are too high", etc.  Well I'm not.  O yea, this isn't the same old run-of-the-mill discussion!

So I find it important to point out that the aforementioned women range in age from 25-30.  They seem to have reached that point in their lives, when given all they've accomplished, they want more from the dating/sex/relationship scene than just the dating/sex.  They want to know that the prospect of a serious relationship is there.  It is  because of that mindset, that they are not as apt to have sex with suitors as they once were.  Casual sex doesn't seem to have the same luster.

Now I find such thinking as commendable as the next guy, but something still bothered me about that.  I would always think to myself "how could sex just not be as appealing at 25-30 as it was before then?"  That just didn't match to me.  So when women would speak about this phenomenon with me, I would often ask, what happened?  What caused the switch to go off?  After further research, I've come to this realization.  It's not that women find sex any less intriguing or satisfactory as they stepped into the "quarter life" (WHEW! *wipes sweat off brow*).  It's that they think they shouldn't be having sex unless it's with the potential "Mr. Right".  Apparently, they think it may side-track them in finding Mr. Right.  They worry about their "number" getting too high.  These were actually some concerns of these women.  Well ladies I'm here to tell you to get that thinking all the way out of here!

So you think having sex will distract you from finding Mr. Right?  Hell, sex might actually help you realize he is that dude!  Everybody knows that sex can change things between two people.  Just as easily as it can make things awkward, it can make a situation that much better.  Sex can make people start to feel more comfortable w/ each other.  It can help people open up, and find out if there is something real there (and shit, if it's banging sex...well I leave that to the perv nation to finish pondering)!  You also need to think of the flip side.  What if things are going right with a guy, then you find out that the sex is straight basura! (spanish for garbage).  Can you get passed that?  Sex (good or bad) can be a major issue in the long run.  You've heard that cliche about "test driving" a car before you "buy it".

I had a woman tell me she had sexual tension with a guy friend, but she doesn't want to act on it because she feels he may not be "the one".  WHAT?  Are you kidding me?  So you are sexually attracted, but he may not be "the one"?  Again I say, sex may help you see different!  But even if he isn't, SO THE FUCK WHAT!  Your sexually attracted, and not getting any!  FUCK IT!  Who said you're just gonna land on your dream guy because you held out?  Did you land your dream job your first time looking?  Or did you land your dream job simply because you held out?  Or did you have to work a job (or jobs) you knew wasn't your long-run move until your dream job came along?  Why work that job you didn't all the way like?  Because you have needs (financial, etc) that need to be filled.  The same applies to sex!  YOU HAVE NEEDS THAT NEED TO BE FILLED (and "self service" gets you but so far)!  So again I say FUCK IT!

Oh not convinced about that yet?  Was your first car your dream car?  I'm gonna go out on a limb and say no!  Your 2nd or 3rd car might not have been dreamy, but you bought what worked for you given where you were in your life at that time.  Nobody says, "I can't wait 'til I can afford a PT Cruiser" (no disrespect).  They may get that, or a similar vehicle because it'll get the job done until they can afford that Mustang GT or 600 Benz.  Now why can't this same rule apply to sex?  So again I say FUCK IT!

So you say you're worried about your "number" being too high in his eyes?  Why does he even have to know?  The number of people you've had sex with is truly YOUR business and NOBODY else's.  Your not obligated to share that info.  The only number you need to worry about is what you're comfortable with.  Whether that's 3 or 33, that's your business!  I say just try to be responsible about it (there's your PSA for the week).  Now am I telling you to go out and hump everything moving?  Not at all!  That's your call.  Running around isn't for everybody, so it may not necessarily be for you.  But I'm not judging if you attempt to find out.  So again I say FUCK IT!

For those of you who may be thinking "what the hell does he know?"  I'm here to tell you this is a system that's been tested and approved by men around the world.  You think we worry about all that?  Nope!  That's why many of us can be cool and mellow; because we "Ridin' Round and Gettin' It".  We're not worried about is she Ms. Right, or our "number", etc.  It works for us.

So ladies, please stop being down on yourselves because your not getting any; because quite frankly, it's your choice.  So next time your with that guy your attracted to, it's "been a while", and your not sure what to do; think of me and say FUCK IT!

but hey, what do I know?

IS KNOWING REALLY HALF THE BATTLE?

Do they REALLY want to be told?  Do people want to know that you just aren't in it?  Or that you've found someone else?  When people get cheated on and they say, "he/she could've just told me", do they REALLY want to be told?  Would they act any different than if they found out on their own?  It sounds all fine and dandy, but is it really just that simple?  If your sig other said "My heart's not in this anymore", or "I've made a connection with someone else", will you be Ok with having been told that?  I'm really asking here.

If you've suspected your sig other of cheating, is it possible that maybe their actions were already telling you what their words weren't?  Should you have addressed it with them when you developed said suspicion?  If you feel the need to hire an investigator, or "Cheaters", is your question not already answered?  Shouldn't you have moved on?  Did you really want to be told to your face by this person that it just isn't what it was, and it's over?  Would you really respect them more for it?  I know the answer to that seems obvious, but does it only seem so obvious because it sounds good in theory?

Better yet, if someone did break up with you the "classy" way, wouldn't you be losing out on the right to blast them?  Isn't that what people want to do?  When we watch shows like cheaters, we want to see someone get laid into.  Isn't that why we watch?  Have you ever just laid into someone?  Did you feel sort of a winning "I told them" emotion?  Be honest!  If they left you the "right way", haven't you lost in a way?  I'm really asking here.

For the girls that broke up with me the "right" way, I found myself just sitting there hurt, with not much to say.  What could I really say?  They told me why.  It made some sort of sense, and I really couldn't argue. They won everything.  I had nothing, and just had to cope and get over it.  But for the girl who broke up with me the ill way by saying "This little thing we have called a relationship is over", and told me she was already seeing a dollar cab driver (Brooklyn Shit) named Keesh (YES HIS NAME WAS FUCKIN' KEESH!), I had a special set of words!  I spazzed!  I hung-up on her and everything (yea she did it OVER THE PHONE).  She called me back crying because of how I reacted.  Yea I lost in that I got dropped for a dollar cab driver named Keesh, but I got some semblance of a win in that I got to let loose!  I got to let my piece be heard in a major way.  She wound up in tears.  I guess you could say I went out with the proverbial bang!  It's sort of like if you lose a basketball game, but you still made the Sportscenter Top 10 highlights!

So again I ask, do you really want to be told?  Be honest!

THE CLOSER

Have you ever been broken-up with and wondered what the reason was?  Ever been cut off by someone and left scratching your head as to why?  Has someone who was becoming special in your life just stopped calling?  Or started dodging?  You see where I'm going with this yet?

I'M TALKING ABOUT CLOSURE PEOPLE!  You know, the seemingly dying art of actually letting someone know why you don't want to be with them anymore.  Giving them a real reason(s).  Not some cold-turkey "cutoff", or half-assed line/excuse, etc!  Being just as real in ENDING things as you may have seemingly been in STARTING things.

Now as I've done in the past, we'll refer to the person ending the relationship as the "breaker", and the person on the other end, the "breakee".  Here's a question for you.  Do you feel like the breaker owes it to the breakee to at least attempt to give them some kind of closure?  (I say attempt because you'll have those breakees who'll never be satisfied no matter how many reasons they're given.  Not much more can be done for them).  Should the breakee be hurt/offended by not being given closure?  Or should they just suck it up and keep it moving?

Now I'm not talking about one-night stands when I speak of giving closure.  I'm sure it's pretty easy to narrow down why you might not have been called back after that.  I'm referencing any relationship where you're dating, sexing, or sharing some "significant other" sort of time with each other (committed or not).

For some people, closure may be more than simply being told why a person no longer wishes to be with you.  The breakee may want the opportunity to respond to the issues.  If not for reasons of rectification, simply to be heard.  Regardless of the reason, are they entitled to this dialogue?  What good can come of it?  Lets chop this up a little bit and see what we come up with.

By giving the breakee closure, you may be able to preserve a friendship.  Of course this is dependent upon the nature of the breakup, and if there were a friendship to preserve.  Nonetheless, if the opportunity exists, why not take advantage of it?  Now some may say the friendship may never be the same.  Feelings may always linger.  Might it not be worth a roll of the dice try though?

Giving closure may prevent feelings of resentment.  The breakee may respect the breaker for showing such courtesy.  Some may say if a breaker doesn't give closure, then they probably don't care if you resent them or not.  Well maybe they don't, but you might want to think about that vindictive little lady named Karma.  Word on the street is she can be a real BITCH at times.

How about the learning aspect of giving closure?  By knowing what he/she did to turn the relationship south, the breakee may learn just what to do/not to do with the next person.  Hell, this may help the breaker learn how to better communicate with the next person.  Maybe discussing issues before they're ready to end a relationship might lead to problems being fixed, and allow a relationship to thrive.

Now if the aforementioned reasons are too debatable, or just not good enough to sway giving closure at the end of a relationship, maybe this last one may help.

SOMETIMES IT'S JUST A MATTER OF COMMON HUMAN DECENCY!  IT DOESN'T TAKE THAT MUCH FUCKING ENERGY TO BE A GOOD HUMAN BEING!

Please feel fee to post any and all comments!