If you've suspected your sig other of cheating, is it possible that maybe their actions were already telling you what their words weren't? Should you have addressed it with them when you developed said suspicion? If you feel the need to hire an investigator, or "Cheaters", is your question not already answered? Shouldn't you have moved on? Did you really want to be told to your face by this person that it just isn't what it was, and it's over? Would you really respect them more for it? I know the answer to that seems obvious, but does it only seem so obvious because it sounds good in theory?
Better yet, if someone did break up with you the "classy" way, wouldn't you be losing out on the right to blast them? Isn't that what people want to do? When we watch shows like cheaters, we want to see someone get laid into. Isn't that why we watch? Have you ever just laid into someone? Did you feel sort of a winning "I told them" emotion? Be honest! If they left you the "right way", haven't you lost in a way? I'm really asking here.
For the girls that broke up with me the "right" way, I found myself just sitting there hurt, with not much to say. What could I really say? They told me why. It made some sort of sense, and I really couldn't argue. They won everything. I had nothing, and just had to cope and get over it. But for the girl who broke up with me the ill way by saying "This little thing we have called a relationship is over", and told me she was already seeing a dollar cab driver (Brooklyn Shit) named Keesh (YES HIS NAME WAS FUCKIN' KEESH!), I had a special set of words! I spazzed! I hung-up on her and everything (yea she did it OVER THE PHONE). She called me back crying because of how I reacted. Yea I lost in that I got dropped for a dollar cab driver named Keesh, but I got some semblance of a win in that I got to let loose! I got to let my piece be heard in a major way. She wound up in tears. I guess you could say I went out with the proverbial bang! It's sort of like if you lose a basketball game, but you still made the Sportscenter Top 10 highlights!
So again I ask, do you really want to be told? Be honest!
No People dont want to be told, especially since they already know. Like on Maury when they have all the signs but need the lie detector test. Eff a sexy decoy, you know the answer. But thats an interesting way to look at it, if someone give you an honest cant argue with them breakup, its not as fun as having the right to declare "they aint shit". lol
ReplyDeleteIn general I think ppl run from the truth. That's probably why I have so many conflicts bcuz I dont have a filter. You'll never have to guess what I'm thinking bcuz I'm just gonna put it out there. In a previous entry you talked about closure, well if a person tells you why they can't be in a relationship anymore, isnt that giving you closure? So I dont understand why you would be mad. Closure is what's needed to heal and grow and move on and all that other nonsense that I dont believe. My whole thing is, I'm not giving a dissertation on why the relationship is over. In my mind its over just bcuz I said so.
ReplyDeleteI do believe that ppl are very aware of the signs of cheating in relationships and instead of trying to be ace high private eye or top flight security of the world and do investigations they should probably just talk to their spouse about the situation and handle it like grown ups. I would dare to say in most cases ppl get cheated on and still stay together, so why the need for all the drama. Just let the cheater give their lame story about their reasons why the stepped out, air out your grievances and give them the whole "rebuild trust" speech, have some make up sex and move on bcuz thats usually how it goes down anyway. My time is precious and if your gonna forgive me anyway, then we dont have to waste time talking about the who, what, when, where and why. but thats just me!
I would want to be told. I think people really want to know. When you cheat and do this and that....you just leave an open wound and the victim ends up just wanting to know what went wrong... when you put it out there on the glass...then you might be hurt...but at least you know why.... You're not left wondering what happened.
ReplyDeleteI think doing the breaking up is equally as hard as getting broken up with. I think the best cleanest cut is the one done in the front.....not the stab in the back.
I believe that I would rather have the truth straight up. Even though it would hurt regardless of whether I already know or not, I can at least respect you as a woman for being frank with me than for me to find out on my own or from someone else. Breaking up is hard to do, but there's a better way of doing it.
ReplyDeleteI don't think that everyone is 'equipped' to 'know'. They may think they are but with the way that they react to other things that are FAR LESS DEVASTATING than being told the person who is 'yours' is no longer AND HAS MOVED ON WITH SOMEONE ELSE. That blow to the ego might be a bit too much. You are correct too. It kinda doesn't give you the opportunity to be 'severely upset' because you have the 'truth' with no real 'issue' to blame it on. There is no 'blame game' ability and lets face it, as you said, OUR SOCIETY IS ALL ABOUT THE BLAME GAME. Without it, we are lost for the most part. Which is sad because in reality, we all SHOULD REALLY BE ACCEPTING TO THE TRUTH but that would mean MANY AN EGOTISTICAL PERSON would have to 'take their L's' like the lowly folks they love to clown. We can't have that outchea...
ReplyDeleteDo 'I want the truth'? At this point, yes. I wanted it before BUT that doesn't mean I handled it well on any side. I've handled the truth better in the last decade or so though....lol All the way around. It is hard work though. Let me tell you...
Depends on the situation. A single indiscretion, nah, I'm better off not knowing, let's keep it moving. A full-blown affair?? Yeah, I need to know that and it needs to be handled. I can say that I have witnessed people who have had affairs, but realized that they really wanted their relationship, and recommitted to monogamy without the s/o realizing anything, but many don't get that far. Many behave in ways that would get them caught because after awhile they have already emotionally checked out.
ReplyDeleteWith that being said, I want to know if there is no intention of changing. Because if I have to FIND OUT, all hell is going to break loose in one way or another.
I'd prefer to know. I'd rather cry, be hurt and eventually get over it than never know what went wrong & not have answers. This question kind of goes hand in hand w/ your topic about closure for me.
ReplyDeleteWhatever it is, I would want to be told. No questions, no wondering, no putting your own spin on things or trying to make excuses for why things just aren't right. As far as a breakup it does provide closure and an opportunity for growth and change. As far as cheating goes, those things rarely remain 100% hidden. Something comes out eventually. I'd much rather be told "this ain't it, I'm moving on" than pretending everything is hunky dory, then neither one of us has to waste time with something that's obviously not working.
ReplyDelete