Wednesday, June 9, 2010


“You got a boyfriend?” 
“Something like that.” 
“Is that your wifey?”
 “Nah not really, we’re still kind of dating.” 
“If you two are together, why is he still going out on dates with other women?” 
People have questions and conversations like these all the time.  The reason is because couples either don’t communicate or fail to realize what stage or type of a relationship they’re in.  It’s about time we tried to really break down what these labels mean.
Do you really need an explanation for this?  If so, I might need to create a relationships (or relations) 101 blog just for you.  Fuck buddies are two people who agree to simply have sex with each other.  Nothing more; nothing less.  They’ll usually only contact each other to set up sexual encounters.  Might they have casual phone conversation?  Maybe, but the purpose of these conversations is still usually to set up sex.  They’re entire association is predicated on sex.  Simply put, they’re just fucking.
Some people may confuse F.W.B.’s with fuck buddies.  The difference between the two is the FRIENDS part.  The two parties have already established a friendship.  These friends may spend so much time together that a mutual physical attraction developed.  Then the “Right Place Right Time” scenario may have played itself out, leading to their initial sexual encounter.  From then on they decide to continue having sex without taking it to “the next level” (whatever that may be).  So they’re still friends, they’ve just decided to add said benefits.  Although being friends can prove easy, adding benefits can make things tricky.  When you throw sex into the equation, rational thoughts can become irrational, and sound judgment can become mute.  Often time one of the friends will develop feelings from the benefits, and begin to act like they’re exclusive.  Now if the other party has not agreed to these new terms, it can cause not only a problem with (receiving) benefits, it can lead to a rift in the friendship.
Dating is pretty much just that.  It’s where two parties agree to start going out on dates, usually to get to know each other better and see where their situation may lead.  The actual dates don’t have to be limited to the clichéd dinner and a movie.  You can do or go wherever so as to learn about the other person.  The thing about dating is that you may be free to date other people.  After all, just because you’re starting to learn about a person doesn’t mean you can’t learn about others.  What people tend to misconstrue when dating is prematurely expecting exclusivity.  What they must realize is that many to most people don’t just start dating with the expectation of being exclusive.  Dating is a process of feeling someone out (or up ;<)).  I mean don’t you feel a few mangos or try on different outfits before choosing one?
A C.E.R. should be self-explanatory, but since things don’t always work the way they should, I’ll give you my definition of it.  In a C.E.R. both parties have agreed to be committed exclusively to each other.  This means no more pursuing, sexing, or dating other people.  You’re no longer on the “market”.  You’re no longer “playing the field”.  You’re ready to settle with this one person for the long haul.  Does this guarantee that you’ll be in it for the long haul?  No!  But it means you’re giving it a try.  Well people may say if a C.E.R. is that cut and dry, how do you explain the ones where one partner is still seeing other people?  Well either both parties did not agree to be committed to each other in the first place, or someone’s a cheater-plain and simple.  Why did that person decide to cheat?  Well that’s a topic for another blog discussion.
Now this blog entry is not meant to tell people what kind of relationship they should be in, nor is it some map directing you to that special someone.  Consider this simply my mini dictionary to you, because if you can be clear about what you’re getting into, you may be able to avoid cloudy judgment.  I’m simply trying to help you look before you leap.  Any feedback, questions, or opinions are greatly appreciated.