Wednesday, June 9, 2010


“You got a boyfriend?” 
“Something like that.” 
“Is that your wifey?”
 “Nah not really, we’re still kind of dating.” 
“If you two are together, why is he still going out on dates with other women?” 
People have questions and conversations like these all the time.  The reason is because couples either don’t communicate or fail to realize what stage or type of a relationship they’re in.  It’s about time we tried to really break down what these labels mean.
Do you really need an explanation for this?  If so, I might need to create a relationships (or relations) 101 blog just for you.  Fuck buddies are two people who agree to simply have sex with each other.  Nothing more; nothing less.  They’ll usually only contact each other to set up sexual encounters.  Might they have casual phone conversation?  Maybe, but the purpose of these conversations is still usually to set up sex.  They’re entire association is predicated on sex.  Simply put, they’re just fucking.
Some people may confuse F.W.B.’s with fuck buddies.  The difference between the two is the FRIENDS part.  The two parties have already established a friendship.  These friends may spend so much time together that a mutual physical attraction developed.  Then the “Right Place Right Time” scenario may have played itself out, leading to their initial sexual encounter.  From then on they decide to continue having sex without taking it to “the next level” (whatever that may be).  So they’re still friends, they’ve just decided to add said benefits.  Although being friends can prove easy, adding benefits can make things tricky.  When you throw sex into the equation, rational thoughts can become irrational, and sound judgment can become mute.  Often time one of the friends will develop feelings from the benefits, and begin to act like they’re exclusive.  Now if the other party has not agreed to these new terms, it can cause not only a problem with (receiving) benefits, it can lead to a rift in the friendship.
Dating is pretty much just that.  It’s where two parties agree to start going out on dates, usually to get to know each other better and see where their situation may lead.  The actual dates don’t have to be limited to the clichéd dinner and a movie.  You can do or go wherever so as to learn about the other person.  The thing about dating is that you may be free to date other people.  After all, just because you’re starting to learn about a person doesn’t mean you can’t learn about others.  What people tend to misconstrue when dating is prematurely expecting exclusivity.  What they must realize is that many to most people don’t just start dating with the expectation of being exclusive.  Dating is a process of feeling someone out (or up ;<)).  I mean don’t you feel a few mangos or try on different outfits before choosing one?
A C.E.R. should be self-explanatory, but since things don’t always work the way they should, I’ll give you my definition of it.  In a C.E.R. both parties have agreed to be committed exclusively to each other.  This means no more pursuing, sexing, or dating other people.  You’re no longer on the “market”.  You’re no longer “playing the field”.  You’re ready to settle with this one person for the long haul.  Does this guarantee that you’ll be in it for the long haul?  No!  But it means you’re giving it a try.  Well people may say if a C.E.R. is that cut and dry, how do you explain the ones where one partner is still seeing other people?  Well either both parties did not agree to be committed to each other in the first place, or someone’s a cheater-plain and simple.  Why did that person decide to cheat?  Well that’s a topic for another blog discussion.
Now this blog entry is not meant to tell people what kind of relationship they should be in, nor is it some map directing you to that special someone.  Consider this simply my mini dictionary to you, because if you can be clear about what you’re getting into, you may be able to avoid cloudy judgment.  I’m simply trying to help you look before you leap.  Any feedback, questions, or opinions are greatly appreciated.


  1. Always appreciate the knowledge you drop on us. I hope that some people really look at this and it helps them with their confusion, especially the dating label.


  3. It's all well and good to define these relationship types, but the confusion comes in when both people haven't verbally agreed on what kind of relationship they have or where its going. If you don't come out and say exactly what it is there's always going to be a part that's open to interpretation. For example, it's very easy to blur the lines between f*ck buddies, dating and "talking to" someone. (Personally, I don't necessarily equate dating and talking to.) There will forever be the situation where girl starts "talking to" guy hoping they'll start dating and maybe end up in a relationship, but guy just wants to f*ck, so somehow they end up somewhere in between and everything gets gray. No matter what you call it, if guy and girl had made their intentions clear upfront there would be no confusion. However, people rarely do that because they're so afraid the other person won't want what they want. Rather than move on to the next one, they'll stick around doing whatever they have to do to get what they want or taking whatever they can get.

  4. Peace Nitty.

    In this day and age, it's crazy to me that people get it twisted as to exactly where they stand with potential significant others. I think the problem can be a few major things. The biggest of these being DISHONESTY!!! If you have someone who swears that you're "dating" but to you they're only a "FB," and you know this, you're living foul!!! People also lie to themselves about where they stand too!

    Once ambiguity and confusion are eliminated, it makes for a much happier existence.

    That's my story and I'm stickin' to it!

    J. Say

  5. Hey there its halftime, lol!! Yea, now people just need to know where they want to end up... Don't be a hoar and wonder why your not wifey, lol. Don't forget the WE in "WE'RE DATING!!" How you have no money but always recommending to go out to eat? WHAT!!! Cmon if your dating, it works both ways, BOTH people need to have money and treat eachother. Thats a good way to get knocked outta the dating stage!! (Damn KOBE is an animal).... So hopefully people are behaving in a manner that leads to the type of relationship they desire. Was there a poll? Are the types of relationships numbered 1-4 with 1 being the most favorable and 4 being the least? LOL!! Love ya, always a pleasure!!


  7. LMAO@ KEESHA! That is hilarious! Anyway....I gotta drop my 2 cents. Labels are just labels. No one ever falls into either of these until exclusivity comes into play. Otherwise it will always be a matter of one person believing one thing and the other believing another thing. No one states on Date 1, 2, or 3, "hey we are dating and that means xyz". People just go with the flow. Besides it would be HELLA weird if someone did that. To restrictive. So really all these labels just go out the window in pretty much every situation anyway. It will always be the case that one person will be feeling the other person much more until they decide we're both feeling each other equally and even then it's not equal. Emotions are like pain. You can conceptualize what the person means when they express it, but you'll never have a 100% understanding of it. Best thing to do is, go with the flow, and when you realize that the gap between what you want or where you are; and what he/she wants and where he/she is in reference to how you 'feel' about each other, then it's time to just move on. Trying to fit into these categories is just bullshit. Thank You. The End.

  8. to Stephanie,i dont know how far things could really go for a guy to say what he really wants up front becuase the inital though may be that he is attracted to her and does want to f- her. he may or may not want more. honests is definitely respectable but i suppose he would have to downplay his intentions somewhat.
    in general, as a guy who has been in a long distance relationship, i have to keep my eye for guys who want to " be friends" with my fiance. I think every situation is different, but in my case, my fiance is a very nice, honest person with good intentions. On the other hand, i dont trust any intentions of guys unless i really know them. trust is very important in a relationship and boundries should be discussed and established.

  9. good posts, keep it coming! say hi to the wifey!