Thursday, March 29, 2012

I SAY "FUCKIT"!

This blog entry was definitely inspired by conversations I've had with female friends of mine.  Friends of mine who are in good places/positions in life.  You know, good job, own place, own car, attractive.  They seemingly have their lives together.  Good positions indeed.  However they seem to be lacking in one (or some) of the most important positions out there...the SEXUAL ONES!  Yes there seem to be "put-together" WOMEN out there who are struggling in the sex department!  Now I'm sure there are those of you who think I'm going down the path of "men are intimidated by these women", "their standards are too high", etc.  Well I'm not.  O yea, this isn't the same old run-of-the-mill discussion!

So I find it important to point out that the aforementioned women range in age from 25-30.  They seem to have reached that point in their lives, when given all they've accomplished, they want more from the dating/sex/relationship scene than just the dating/sex.  They want to know that the prospect of a serious relationship is there.  It is  because of that mindset, that they are not as apt to have sex with suitors as they once were.  Casual sex doesn't seem to have the same luster.

Now I find such thinking as commendable as the next guy, but something still bothered me about that.  I would always think to myself "how could sex just not be as appealing at 25-30 as it was before then?"  That just didn't match to me.  So when women would speak about this phenomenon with me, I would often ask, what happened?  What caused the switch to go off?  After further research, I've come to this realization.  It's not that women find sex any less intriguing or satisfactory as they stepped into the "quarter life" (WHEW! *wipes sweat off brow*).  It's that they think they shouldn't be having sex unless it's with the potential "Mr. Right".  Apparently, they think it may side-track them in finding Mr. Right.  They worry about their "number" getting too high.  These were actually some concerns of these women.  Well ladies I'm here to tell you to get that thinking all the way out of here!

So you think having sex will distract you from finding Mr. Right?  Hell, sex might actually help you realize he is that dude!  Everybody knows that sex can change things between two people.  Just as easily as it can make things awkward, it can make a situation that much better.  Sex can make people start to feel more comfortable w/ each other.  It can help people open up, and find out if there is something real there (and shit, if it's banging sex...well I leave that to the perv nation to finish pondering)!  You also need to think of the flip side.  What if things are going right with a guy, then you find out that the sex is straight basura! (spanish for garbage).  Can you get passed that?  Sex (good or bad) can be a major issue in the long run.  You've heard that cliche about "test driving" a car before you "buy it".

I had a woman tell me she had sexual tension with a guy friend, but she doesn't want to act on it because she feels he may not be "the one".  WHAT?  Are you kidding me?  So you are sexually attracted, but he may not be "the one"?  Again I say, sex may help you see different!  But even if he isn't, SO THE FUCK WHAT!  Your sexually attracted, and not getting any!  FUCK IT!  Who said you're just gonna land on your dream guy because you held out?  Did you land your dream job your first time looking?  Or did you land your dream job simply because you held out?  Or did you have to work a job (or jobs) you knew wasn't your long-run move until your dream job came along?  Why work that job you didn't all the way like?  Because you have needs (financial, etc) that need to be filled.  The same applies to sex!  YOU HAVE NEEDS THAT NEED TO BE FILLED (and "self service" gets you but so far)!  So again I say FUCK IT!

Oh not convinced about that yet?  Was your first car your dream car?  I'm gonna go out on a limb and say no!  Your 2nd or 3rd car might not have been dreamy, but you bought what worked for you given where you were in your life at that time.  Nobody says, "I can't wait 'til I can afford a PT Cruiser" (no disrespect).  They may get that, or a similar vehicle because it'll get the job done until they can afford that Mustang GT or 600 Benz.  Now why can't this same rule apply to sex?  So again I say FUCK IT!

So you say you're worried about your "number" being too high in his eyes?  Why does he even have to know?  The number of people you've had sex with is truly YOUR business and NOBODY else's.  Your not obligated to share that info.  The only number you need to worry about is what you're comfortable with.  Whether that's 3 or 33, that's your business!  I say just try to be responsible about it (there's your PSA for the week).  Now am I telling you to go out and hump everything moving?  Not at all!  That's your call.  Running around isn't for everybody, so it may not necessarily be for you.  But I'm not judging if you attempt to find out.  So again I say FUCK IT!

For those of you who may be thinking "what the hell does he know?"  I'm here to tell you this is a system that's been tested and approved by men around the world.  You think we worry about all that?  Nope!  That's why many of us can be cool and mellow; because we "Ridin' Round and Gettin' It".  We're not worried about is she Ms. Right, or our "number", etc.  It works for us.

So ladies, please stop being down on yourselves because your not getting any; because quite frankly, it's your choice.  So next time your with that guy your attracted to, it's "been a while", and your not sure what to do; think of me and say FUCK IT!

but hey, what do I know?


18 comments:

  1. Franco, I love you and your posts LOL. As someone who is actually OLDER (lol) than the age range you spoke about (I'm 34), I suppose I can impart some wisdom and say that I agree w/ you 100% on this one! If anything, I feel it makes a woman more desirable if she's able to say 'fuck it' and do things her way. Long as she's not hurting herself or anyone else, being responsible (my PSA) and respecting herself, why the hell not?!

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  2. I typed a long comment and the damn thing deleted...so I'mma keep it short.

    I disagree with you on the sexing while finding your Mr. Right. Partially disagree. First off... when a woman has sex with multiple partners it creates all kinds of proven physiological issues beginning with:
    1. Oxytocin is released during physical interactions, and in large doses during sex causing an inescapable connection with your lover.
    2. Engaging in unprotected sex increases your risk of unwanted pregnancy and STDs, and also when you have unprotected sex with multiple partners you are at a HUGE risk for developing bacterial vaginosis, which although is easily treatable, it disrupts the chemical homeostasis of the vaginal environment. And it takes a VERY LONG time to recover. This also changes your menstrual cycle as well.
    3. Every time you hand out a cookie to a partner (whether casually or seriously) you give away a piece of yourself. Your inner essence diminishes with each unfulfilling encounter you have. And by unfulfilling I mean when it's casual to the point of meaningless (not in relation to how good the sex is).

    There's a reason why most guys want nothing to do with a porn star. Someone who willingly makes a living (albeit a great living) off of giving herself away regularly.

    Now...of course we're all human and have needs so if you just can't abstain, the best option is to have one steady jumpoff with whom you satisfy your sexual needs and always WRAP IT UP!!!!!! Keep in mind that your ability to detach emotionally after a long-term sexual relationship may be difficult once you're ready to settle down.

    There's nothing wrong with keeping it in your pants, until you meet your Man!

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    1. Ok so 1. I never recommended having raw sex. Actually I said be responsible about it (hence the "PSA"). 2. That "inescapable connection"? Your telling me every time a chick lets a dude beat, their just locked in? Naaah! There'd be waaaaay more married couples if that were the case. 3. To all the women who've read this, how many of you feel your "inner essence" diminishing with every intercourse (I'll wait) *crickets*. 4. Most guys don't want a porn star because: 1. Now they know (or assume) her "number", and that number is probably too high (hence why I advise to keep your number to yourself). 2. The male ego won't like knowing that maaad dudes ran up in that. We'll wonder if the next dude is steady yapping about it. 3. Many dude don't want to know their steady sex buddy is still banging other dudes (assuming she's still doing porn. So unless this starts turning women into porn stars (which I highly doubt it will), that point is totally invalid imo.

      There's nothing wrong with giving out some of the cookie until you meet your man. Because even uneaten cookies can eventually get stale.

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  3. I agree with this post 100%. Do you and keep your umbers to yourself. If you're ok with it there's no need to let the well run dry. As Gerri said there's nothing wrong with abstaining if that's really what you want to do but unprotected sex is an absolute no go and I think the steady jump off is the worst way to go. Sexually you may feel good about dealing with one person but then the non-relationship relationship develops and that's how feelings get hurt. Plus after waiting so long you mess around and pick the wrong dude just because you want to have sex and your judgement is all cloudy. I say develop organic relationships and let them go where they go. If that means giving up a little bit of the cookie to a guy you like who turns out not to be the one there's nothing wrong with that (as long as it doesn't get out of hand in your mind).

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  4. I wrote another comment and it didn't post. What i said was that a women that has it together wants a man that has it together no matter what she wants him for. Your standards automatically raise. If you're holding out for that type of dude that's fine but still not every good dude is gonna be the one. In the meantime if you find somebody who meets your standards why not have a little fun?

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  5. Hahahaha ... this post is near and dear. But the PT Cruiser though (Stop hating) lol

    But, this post definitely opens my eyes. As a 20 something who has i"it together", I do find myself toying with the casual sex, Mr Right vs Mr. Right Now argument, and the counting game. But, I do think I am holding myself back. Not that I am gonna pop for every Tom, Dick, and Harry (yes them,) but, I will give Mr. What's Good or Mr. Lay It Down a try. I mean really, why not? As long as it's safe and ain't no babies coming along, it's alllllll gooood (Martin voice). Good post coon, I still hate your guts.

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  6. Okay, I'mma try this again. This doggone Blogger keeps deleting my posts!

    In summary, it's a change of mindset. When women... (PEOPLE) mature, they start looking for things in their life like organization, stability, consistency. It's time to set a foundation. Buying a home, investing in a career (not just a job) and other aspects of permanence. That also applies to relationships. Casual sex may have been good when we were younger, but there comes a point where we look for the same thing in our social areas as we do in the areas of our lives. The time has come to find stability in our mates, and why give up the cake if that doesn't give us the impression that you are stable?

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  7. Fuck fuck fuck everybody wanna fuck, the nigga opening the door, the nigga closing up the store, the nigga giving me my mail, the nigga coming out of jail, the nigga in the corner store…them niggas asking me for mo, the nigga riding on the bike, the nigga walking with the dyke, the nigga eating eggs and ham, the guy who offered me some spam.. everyday I gotta duck, them nigga always trynna fuck! ... And this is why I have to be picky and I can’t say “Fuck it” cause if I did, I’d be fucking all fucking day long! And that’s some ho shit!

    Love your blog Nitty!

    Star
    @highmsstar

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    1. Ok Star! First off, thanks for the blog love! Now I'm not saying to sex every guy that wants to sex you. I'm saying if if there's a mutual attraction (physical, or otherwise), and you find he's someone you would like to do it with, then do it. Don't let the reason you don't do it be one of the reasons I mentioned in the post.

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    2. Def poetry jam on the blog! Love it!

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  8. ok so im taking another stab at this hopefully this one posts.

    in theory this is a great concept, and thats where it ends, in theory. What I took away from this blog is that you're saying the double standard is dead and women are free to roam just as men do and they should. I doubt it. A woman who gets around is and will always be labeled a "ho". And you can say that a woman's body count is her business but let's just be honest about this situation. Men run their mouths like little school girls when it comes to sex and eventually word will get around that the woman is loose, tarnishing her image. No man wants to marry a whore and if a man is skeptical of a woman's body that will present an issue in the relationship. If a woman is taking all the time and energy to establish herself she's looking for more than a quick roll in the sack anyway, so I wouldnt advise her to settle for some random strokes that could just be mediocre and disappointing. The put together woman just needs to keep working on her and making moves and eventually mr.right will come along. No sense is creating a 100 page rap sheet in the interim. That's just my opinion.

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    1. I feel your point Tiff, but in no way shape or form am I saying the double standard is dead. I'd be pretty naive to think that. Also, if you do get around, you just may not want to do it in "tight circles" so-to-speak. For instance, if you live in Delaware, it might be tougher to get around with dudes who know each other than if you were in, say New York (however, that doesn't mean it can't be done in the 1st state either). And don't be fooled! There are plenty of focused women who wouldn't mind a quick romp in the hay! In some cases they're so focused, that may be what works best for them at that time (in their opinion). Hell, she may get "mediocre/disappointing" from the potential Mr. Right. She also might not need 100 bodies to fully take advantage of the advice I'm giving here lol.

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  9. No what im saying is that almost every guy I come encounter with wants to sex me...therefore there has to be more than just "mutual attraction" that makes me give up the bun (this is when other factors have to come into play). I hear what ur saying my brotha...but for example, lets say I fucked just one of your friends (pick any one)... will ur perception of me change in anyway? Now if u say no...ur a liar lol. It'll be like nah don't invite Star cause _____ is gonna be there. Plus sexy guys have itchy balls sometime...I just feel like women need to be selective and can't have such an impulsive fuck it mentality..just for their own good.

    Star
    @highmsstar

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    1. I get what you're saying too ma'am! I'm not saying sex him simply b/c there's a mutual attraction. Sex him because there's an attraction that makes you want to have sex with him. That could be any number of things. Looks, style, manners, his ambition, etc. Whatever it is. There are going to be men you find attractive, but aren't sexually attracted to. So don't have sex with them. But the ones that do? Well, I say "FUCK IT!"

      Furthermore, it depends which of my friends you sexed. Seeing as how I have faith in your judgement, I'm gonna assume you would sex one of my worthy friends. In which case, I wouldn't think of you in any negative way! I'd actually be givin' yall '95 Knicks chest bumps! *NITTYPOINT*

      I won't even address that itchy balls comment lol.

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  10. Just give one of them my number and we can have a discussion. It's not all about sex. There has to be some compatibility, also.

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  11. At the end of the day alot of women are looking to have the same satisfaction as us men, the whole "numbers" thing will be out the window after a couple minutes. I mean just as cold as some guys are out here women can be the same way with their feelings!!!

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