Wednesday, April 21, 2010

WHAT'S BLACK WHITE AND RED ALL OVER

WHAT’S BLACK, WHITE, AND RED ALL OVER

“What’s she doing with his white ass!” “White women are snatching up all our good men!” “Why don’t you find yourself a nice Asian man!” These statements are just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the feelings of disapproval that people express toward interracial relationships. This has been an ongoing dilemma for many years, and doesn’t seem to be heading toward a conclusion any time soon. We are so many years removed from colonialism, slavery, the holocaust, etc. Women have taken on positions in which the decisions they make shape the minds of men, and change government policies. Yet we live in a country where the mere presence of a Black person holding hands with a White person, or maybe a Hispanic person holding hands with an Asian person, can bring about scornful looks and remarks from the general public. This seems especially interesting seeing as how the U.S. President is bi-racial. Yes we all tend to call him Black (especially me), but the fact of the matter is President Obama is half Black and half White. So I guess the question is: what’s the problem? What’s the big deal? Let’s analyze some of the stigmas attached to being in an interracial relationship.

1.Choose a Side

Many people try to justify their disapproval of interracial relationships by saying if the couples have children, the children will suffer. They believe this suffering will come in the form of torment, or confusion. I’ve heard people say, other kids will make fun of them because of their mixed race, or a child will not know which culture to embrace or identify with. Let’s be honest people! Kids are going to make fun of other kids for something. If it’s not race, it’s size; if it’s not size it’s looks. So no matter the couple, their kids will need to be prepared for torment. As it pertains to the cultural aspect, who says kids can embrace only one culture? The human brain is capable of accepting many cultures, so two should be no problem. Both my parents are Black, but one is from the American south while the other is from the Caribbean. Two different cultures indeed, but I’ve never had a problem accepting both.

2.What’s Their Problem?

People often try to dissuade others from getting involved in interracial relationships by saying things such as “People are going to look at you funny”, or “Imagine the insults you’re going to hear.” You also have the “statisticians” who’ll point out something like “X amount of interracial couples have been subject to verbal or physical assault blah blah blah.” Is this not really a part of life people? Granted it might be an unfortunate part of life, but a part of life nonetheless. I’m sure I represent a shitload of people when I say that at some point in my adult life, I’ve been looked at funny, insulted, and been involved in verbal or physical confrontations. Often time I’ve been subjected to this by my own people, and I’ve never been in an interracial relationship. Ultimately shit happens.

3.Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner

Of course you often can’t speak about these relationships without bringing in the family. There are so many people who will not stay in a relationship with someone they care about because of their parents’, or other family members’ disapproval. At the same time, there are many parents who will not approve of their child dating outside their race. What that could potentially do is lengthen, or make more complicated, a person’s search for the “one”. I personally know families like this, and they all have their reasons. I even understand some of these reasons. Even if the reasons make no sense at all, people are still willing to let go of their happiness just to appease their family. Here’s my thing. As an adult, you should be able to figure out what’s best for you. If my mother didn’t like my current girlfriend (which she does), that doesn’t mean I’d just break it off. You just deal with it. Everybody’s not going to like everybody. I guess at this point, the onus is on the individual to decide if it’s worth losing that special someone just to please others. Will you be pleased at the end of the day? Hell, if you have true family, they’ll get over it!

Now my purpose here is neither to promote nor reject interracial relationships. I’m simply here to give you opinionated folk something more to think about. I want to thank Greg Thomas for inspiring me to write this blog entry. Please feel free to follow and comment on the spot.

21 comments:

  1. Frankly, Franco, the argument is tired! People need to mind their business and let shit be. "Oh well so and so wants to date a White dude/woman!" And? What are you really going to do about it? Just stare at them real hard? Make them uncomfortable? Most likely, it's happened dozens of times before and it's probably not going to break them up.

    I get so sick of women running around getting upset about a black dude with some white girl. That energy you use to get angry about something like that can be used to find your own man. The same can be said vice versa.

    People make mountains out of molehills. Folks just like who they like and find love with lots of different people. I'm one of those people. There are millions of men in this world that I might be compatible with that run the gamut of ethnicities and I won't shut myself out of any possibilities. It's not up to anyone else to make that decisions for me.

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  2. I believe to each their own, if a person finds somebody of another race that adds to their happiness kudos to them. The only thing I tell my friends that date peple of other races is that whom ever you date just make sure the person is about something, and I tell the same thing to my friends that date people of the same race. Nobody wants a deadbeat of any race. Personally, I have not wanted to date anybody of another race, but when I see an interracial couple I don't wonder why they are with one another. I could care less. As far as the argument that the children will be messed up behind this, how many crazy ass motherf^#kers we know and they have parents of the same race? There are people in life who are going to talk about others no matter what is going on, so what the hell. I always say they talked about Jesus Christ, who r we?

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  3. In my opinion, people who get so angry about the interracial dating are either insecure or they want the person dating outside of their race. I say they are insecure because they probably are making assumptions about why one person chose another and they really don't know. If someone is in a good relationship, they probably are not concerned with who ther people are dating.

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  4. I'm not against interracial dating and I've never been one of those people to look at people funny just because they date someone of a different color. I would even be open to doing it myself. What's funny to me is that the same people that complain about this type of thing (mostly black women, in my opinion) will be the first ones crying about how they can't find a man. Of course you can't, you automatically eliminated over half of the male population! A lot of people fought long and hard to prove that we are all equal, so why would you limit yourself? The white girl that you're frowning your face at didn't limit herself which is why she has the man! Half the time, the people that want to judge wouldn't give that guy/girl the time of day if they were walking down the street alone anyway. At the end of the day dating should be about character not color and as long as you're with a person of good character, nothing else is really anybody elses concern. However, I do have to say, I will give you the side eye if I see hot guy/girl with busted looking girl/guy no matter what color you are! What is that about!?? LOL! Different topic for a different day. :)

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  5. Just to add a small spin on the topic... Black women do seem to have the biggest (blatant) issue with interracial dating concerning white women "stealing" good Black men. If the good black man was with a black woman, but another black woman wanted him, I am under the belief she would fight to take him or have less hesitation in being a home wrecker. Why is it that Black women don't seem to be quite as concerned with fighting for men they supposedly "lost" to another race??? are they intimidated?!

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  6. THAT'S SOME GOOD FOOD 4 THOUGHT H. ANYBODY CARE 2 RESPOND?

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  7. That is a darn good spin Silent H! Maybe these women feel like they can't compete and don't stand a chance against someone that is so "different" from them. Or maybe they assume that because, for example, the black man is with a white woman that he automatically doesn't like black women, which isn't necessarily the case, and they just remove themselves from the equation. Not saying that you should be a homewrecker or steal anybodys man or anything under any circumstances. Good question!

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  8. Stephanie C, I have to agree with you on the intimidation part. I think that there is an assumption that the white woman may have something the black woman cannot offer. Naturally I haven't done any research to know the stats on this, but my personal observation seems to side with intimidation...

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  9. Who cares either way? If they have a penis they're gonna be an asshole. Thank You. The End.

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  10. but on a more serious note. Yes it's politically correct to say that one "should" be colorblind.....but the reality is, it can be challenging to be a black female, have a lot to offer, be single, and then see a fine, professional, educated, black man with a white woman. It's like wow...really?! White people are generally in far better financial, emotional, and every other kind of situation than we as black people are. And yes, it can cause some tension when you see that the last thing that a black woman can have is a black man who has ruled her out.

    I AM a single black female who has dated outside of my race. I have dated outside of MANY barriers, if not ALL of them....so i'm not closed minded, yet I do feel like I have "lost" something to a white woman when i see a black man that I would actually go after. And yes it does cause some sense of intimidation and I would imagine that it has something to do with generational influence on how black/white tensions have developed and been sustained over the years. Am I insecure? Who isn't ....No one is flawless and no one lacks any type of insecurity, but being that the competition is already so stiff between black women looking for a black man, then you start throwing in the fact that all of these "other" women have more influence in hooking a long-term relationship with black men, yes it does leave a sting.

    With that said....no I don't get hype about it and tell black people not to date others....again I do it (have done it at least), but I'm just saying I understand how black women feel when they see that. It's not right. It's not fair. It's not even intelligent to do.....but it happens, and there is a legitimate reason for it.

    Also....the fact that black women MUST date outside their race is really lame....no other racial group is forced to do such a thing. They have the option to do it....and yes that can cause some women to be angry. People are biologically drawn to similar people, so to have no choice but to step outside of that is never taken easily. It would be one thing if it was more of a choice, but it's not. And frankly, that's the reality of the situation.

    Now....i know some of ya'll gonna be pissed.....just try not to judge me please! lol....Thanks.

    Ok bye.

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  11. G, Im just curious as to why you feel there is no choice.....that you HAVE to date outside of your race?

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  12. Oh this is Bahu by the way.....didnt see that I could put my name

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  13. O this is Bahu by the way.....didnt see that I could put my name.

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  14. Because the selection is slim to none. The older you get the worse it gets. And people often....too often use the "date outside your race" excuse as a suggestion or "cure" for being a single black woman in relation to this debate.

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  15. and yes....white women do have something to offer that black women don't.....and that's white privilege.

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  16. As a white man who dates black women (please don't hate me for taking your black women) I have experienced the backlash of dating outside of my race. I have gotten the weird looks, sideways comments, and whispers. Most of the time it is from other black people and not white. White people never say anything to me about it except an initial "you date black girls?" Black men and women are the ones who act funky about it. For instance I had a dude approach me about a chick I was dating at the time and question me about it, but he stayed slaying white chicks! I never saw him with a black girl, EVER! So go figure!

    As to Gerri's point and Bahu's question, there just simply is not enough black men. First, women out number men period. Second, there is a disproportionate amount of black men ages 18-34 being thrown in prison or being killed. Third, of all black people enrolling in college 60% are women. And black women are graduating from college at an even greater clip. So when it comes to a 25 year old college educated black women, her chances of finding a black men with a similar pedigree are slim. So she is left with the choice of being single, becoming polyamorous, or dating outside of her race.

    Lastly, from reading "The Conversation" for Franco's book club (nice little plug) and listening to a segment on Big Tig's morning show in DC called "No Disrespect" there is a lot of anger between black men and women. Men, especially, were going in on black women during the segment. Hill Harper touches on it too in the book. I wouldn't want to date someone who already deeply angered by me and angry with me before I even introduce myself regardless of my race. So until an understanding is reach and the anger dissipates how are healthy relationships supposed to bloom?

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  17. yes Mr. Goodnight....Perfectly stated!

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  18. oh...i didn't realize that was you Rob! lol....but yes. you are still right. Thanks.

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  19. Another thing is that black men like to "blame" black women for being single. By saying that there is something wrong with us which is why we are single. But that can't be the case (at least not solely the case), because there are just TOO MANY single, educated, attractive, well employed, independent black women. It can't be that ALL of these black women have self sabotaging behaviors that cause them to be single against their will. So please, let's stop blaming women for being single, when statistically we are all aware that the numbers alone contribute to the lack of significant relationships between black men and women.

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  20. As always you brought up a lot of interesting points. As a guy that was in a relationship with an Asian girl for 2 years I heard all of what you are talking about in this post. The only good that people saw in the relationship was that we would have cute lil Asian and black babies. I got the looks, I heard the name calling, and all that foul stuff. At the end of the day we were together because we wanted to be, however it was a rough situation because her parents were so traditional that they would never accept me. We kept it going for a while, but I think that and a couple other factors confused her. At the end of the day though people just need to go after what they like. I still get the jokes about dating Asian girls, but that won't stop me from dating another one if the right situation presents itself.

    GOOD POST!

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  21. Damn Gerri! Just because it's me you had to give pause???? LOL

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