Thursday, April 21, 2011

THESE ARE THE BREAKS



 “You ever think about taking a break?”  “I think we need some time apart.”  “Maybe it’s time we took a break…from us.”

You may have heard some form of the phrases on T.V., in your friend’s relationship, or maybe even in your own.  If you’re anything like me, your response may be something like “WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN A BREAK FROM US?”  Or “SO YOU’RE BREAKING UP WITH ME?”  Now here’s where it gets iffy.  Apparently there are people who don’t see this as a break-up.  They literally see it as a break.  They wish to cut off all contact for some unspecified period of time until they decide if/when they’re ready to be together again.
HOW THE FUCK IS THAT NOT A BREAK-UP?  Seriously people, think about it!  It may be one thing if you’re up under someone everyday in a new or fairly new (unestablished even) relationship.  Then you may want to scale back some.  But I’m not addressing the rookies.  I’m talking about those in firmly established long-term relationships.  The ones that may see marriage as a possibility (or inevitability).  How do you figure a “break” is:  1.Necessary, and 2.Not a break-up?  I guess I’ll take this time to figure the difference people find between the two.

Those who are pro-break seem to simply see it as time apart.

 As an anti-breaker I ask:  Time apart to do what exactly?  See others?  Be alone?  Will there be no seeing each other?  No speaking to each other?  Or both?  Is this some “absence will make the heart grow fonder “ shit?

A pro-breaker may say it gives one time to analyze their situation.

Well what the fuck have you been doing?  Have you just been living in some sort of ignorance?

A pro-breaker may say it can allow them to focus on other aspects of their life.

So is your significant other a distraction?  So much so you need a “break”?  Should you even be with them then?  Is the break supposed to help you figure that out?  If so, then is your question not already answered?

A pro-breaker may say a break also gives their significant other a chance to do all of the aforementioned tasks.

Well what if these weren’t issues for them?  What if they didn’t need a damn break to figure all that out!  What if they actually used the communication and experiences shared with their significant other to make such assessments?  Where does that leave them!

Are “breakers” not concerned about how the “breakee” may feel?  You may think this break is temporary, but did you account for possible long-term or permanent effects?  You may alienate a person.  A breakee may now feel totally abandoned at this point.  You essentially left them high and dry.  They may be wondering what they did to deserve such treatment.  They may begin to resent you, and if that happens, they may not be able to bounce back. 

Did you think about their attention possibly being diverted elsewhere?  How would you feel if this “break” is the reason they decide to see what else the world has to offer?  While you’re out there analyzing your situation or “finding yourself”, they may be getting found by someone else.

When you decide you’re done with your break, what if your significant other is no longer at ease with you?  How can they be sure you won’t pull a stunt like this again?  You may have essentially broken the trust in your relationship.

For everybody who thinks taking a break is a solution to problems in your relationship, just make sure you can handle the potential backlash, because shit can backfire and come back to bite you IN THE ASS!  Just remember, when some things break, the pieces can’t always be put back together.

12 comments:

  1. Not a fan of the 'break'. For all of the reasons you said. Literally.

    ReplyDelete
  2. The only way a "break" works is if both individuals are using it to see what life is like outside of the relationship. If it's being used as an excuse to flirt or cheat, then it defeats the purpose of taking a break since that break will be followed by a break-up.

    Healthy couples know how to balance their time within the relationship and outside of it. Healthy couples also know how to communicate. A break indicates that the couple does not know how to talk; otherwise, why would you desire time apart from your significant other by declaring yourself as being out of the relationship without ending it?

    ReplyDelete
  3. fuck a break....it's a break up. If you come back together...that just means ya'll made up. The End.

    He says: "I want a break"
    Translation: The new girl at my job is hot and I wanna bone her and I don't want to sneak around and you would be pissed if you found out, so gimme a chance to taste her sushi...If it's wack then I'll be back"

    She says: "I want a break"
    Translation: You're taking up too much of my time and your buns are WIGGITY WACK....I want to see if I can pull someone better before I settle down.

    And that's all folks.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hey O.G. NITTY!!

    You have very valid points and I completely understand where you are coming from. I agree with The Franchise's comment. As a person that has been in a serious long-term relationship myself I must ask what prompted the "breaker" to suggest a "break" from the "breakee". There are 3 sides to every story! Did the "breaker" feel so frustrated w/the status of their relationship & feel as if their back was against the wall and had no other choice than to be drastic in order to get the "breakees" attention? Communication is important in any relationship, but perhaps the "breaker" has verbally communicated with the "breakee", but the "breakee" still has not made any changes for the good of the relationship? I don't agree that a "break" ALWAYS means "I want to cheat and be free", each scenario is different sometimes it simply means "I don't feel as if you're treating me right and since you don't listen perhaps I need to show you, so hopefully this will help you get your mind right"....Just my opinion....if this is a great relationship & one worth saving the "breakee" should try to understand where the "breaker" is coming from & make changes where fit....relationships are hard work, but a good one is worth it!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Excellent post. I have personally said after arguing for what seemed like hours that I need a break, not so much from the person but from what we have been discussing. Especially if it seems we aren't even able to agree to disagree. You have very valid points and they are all something I will consider in the future when I feel like yelling "I NEED A BREAK!" I guess I was being selfish not looking at it from the "breakee" perspective.

    www.rosefromrosedale.com

    ReplyDelete
  6. The whole idea of a break is BS to me so needless to say As u I am also anti-break!! I feel it's a nice way to say I don't wanna b with u anymore.  What exactly is it that you need a break from... I feel a break is a very extreme measure and if u need to take it there than the relationship must not b right from your eyes therefore ur not happy so break up with me! Don't put me on the back burner while u decide what's right for u! What exactly r we doin while ob this break cause if we are wrkn on things then we can stay together and do that if u wanna focus on ur goals then let me b there to encourage u push u help u reach ya full potential.  Mayb its jus me but I don't feel those r  valid reasons.  

    If a person feels something isnt right in a relationship then they need to talk to there partner nip it in the bud before u get to the "breaking" point. A relationship is a joint effort so both parties should b in agreement and for that to happen so in agreement with the franchise COMMUNICATION  is key! 

    Relationships do not hve a PAUSE button!
     
    I'm all for fighting for the relationship if it's worth it  But if u want a break break up with me and if it's meant to b it will b 

    ReplyDelete
  7. Agree 100% with all the points you made. Breaks = break up if not in the short term, the long term. If you don't break up initially from the break, all the complications caused by the break will result in an eventual break up down the line. Not a fan of it at all.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I personally agree w/everyone's comment. Now I am one who have been in numerous relationships. And I have at point stated that maybe we need a "break". now at that time, i was dealing with dudes that wanted to be around me every second of the day. b4 work, after work, on the phone during my lunch breaks, spending every single night together, going EVERYWHERE together, even wanted to be in the bathrm w/me when i took a crap! seriously, and i'm not exaggerating. and that would get on my nerves. it was tooooooo much, ya know! it was like i didn't hv time to breathe. i had no time to myself, i had no time to spend w/other friends besides them, and the fact that i was around them 24/7, i became irritated and suggested "a break"...now did i mean and "break-up"? no...i meant a BREAK from ea other just to chill and hv some alone time. but in relationships, a "break" is a Break-up" just like everyone else said. if there is no contact b/w the two, then who knows what the other person is out their doing. but to say it's not a break-up, that to me is a coward that just can't be honest w/the individual to tell them the truth that they want to "break-up". let's be real, we are adults. life is too short. if u are unhappy, just be honest and tell the person that you are unhappy. communication is "key". and maybe if u talk about wtever is bothering u, there can be a solution. but taking the coward way out and just saying that u want a "break" but we're not really breaking up, is a crock of...so w/that being said. in my opinion, what is the purpose of the "break" and what do u want to come out of the "break" if there is no contact b/w both parties during that time? i mean seriously, who says that?!

    ReplyDelete
  9. I'm feelin the energy in this post, good topic!

    To me, a break is like operating in safe mode, don't computers operate in safe mode sometimes when u don't shut it down properly, lol!!
    During the break one can validate dating/sleeping/hanging out with other people and still have their girl/guy in their life as well. I don't think this is the intention of every breaker tho.

    I think poor communicators default to the break, not realizing the risk they are taking. When introducing a break in a relationship define what aspect of the relationship you are taking a break from – sex, phone calls, texting, emailing, Skype, visiting, hanging out? What do you need a break from? Define it. If you need a break from everything (as in no contact/communication) ask yourself why, it may be time to shut it down, properly.

    Initiating a break is risky, one has to be ok with potentially losing thier girl/guy. I'm not ok w/ that so I can't do "breaks" anymore.

    ReplyDelete
  10. A break? I agree with many points that you made. If someone is asking to take a break from a RELATIONSHIP, then the relationship is in trouble. I'm sorry. Think about it. People need a break from things that they are feeling stress or strain from. Example, you may need a break from work, it's call a vacation. You may need a break for school, it's called a semester off. People don't normally need a break for things that are not draining in their life. It's normally things that you see as energy draining that you need a break from.

    ReplyDelete
  11. @ KEESH...THE PC ANALOGY IS SO FUNNY (AND TRUE). GOOD TAKE @ SINGLE SIS. @ A1, BRIAN, AND ANON...THANK YOU, WELL THOUGH OUT. @ ROSE...WAY 2 OPEN UP THAT WONDERFUL MIND OF YOURS.

    ReplyDelete