Thursday, February 4, 2010

TRY SLEEPING WITH A BROKEN HEART

“Sex Me”, “Anytime, Anyplace”, “Love in the Club”, “I Invented Sex”. Whenever I hear the songs associated with these titles, I don’t usually want to make love, or have some “magical” night. I usually just want to get my “rocks” off, bust a nut, or simply put, I just want to fuck. Yes I said it, I just want to fuck. Don’t act all shocked, the blog spot warned you about adult content before you clicked “continue”. Besides, chances are you’ve felt that same way at one point or another. You were probably just too shy to admit it.

The world we live in seems to have been ever-so-rapidly shifting away from the “Signs of Love Making”, over to “Bangin’ the Headboard”. My parents had artists like Percy Sledge saying “Take Time to Know Her”, or Otis Redding telling people how strong his love is. I had artists like Snoop Dogg saying “Bitches ain’t Shit but Hoes and Tricks”, or Ice Cube rapping about how he “killed the punani”. My parents’ artists might have had them wanting to make love, whereas some of my artists made love the furthest thing from my mind.

Many of the television shows we watch encourage engaging in casual sex, and promiscuity, with the agenda of avoiding love. MTV’s Real World puts seven horny people in a house together with a hot tub, bar, and limited access to the outside world. When they do let them out, they let them go to bars and nightclubs with more hot horny strangers. You think they do this with the mentality of love in the air? No they do this hoping that there will be “Socks in the Air”. The Bad Girls Club, Jersey Shore, and a multitude of other shows have all followed the same suit; “Let’s Fuck, Fight and Fuck Some More”.

There seems to be, in my opinion, somewhat of a revolution against the “L” word. Why, do you ask? Well of course the answer depends on who you ask. For many people, I gather their reasoning would be because they’ve had their heart broken before, and they don’t want to risk further hurt. For others, they may have been close to those who’ve suffered heartbreak, and decided they don’t ever want to chance going through such an ordeal themselves. Hell, some people may just want to fuck!

Now many of you may say “Yea right, there’s no better feeling than being in love”. Having been with my woman for ten years, I can definitely understand the “pro-loves” notion. However, there’s a part of me that can’t help but wonder if the “anti-loves” may be on to something. Sometimes when we look at love, we tend to forget that even love has a dark side. Being in love can open you up to potential heartbreak. If my woman were to cheat, or leave me, I know I’d suffer emotionally. In that case, love would be the culprit that set me up for such pain. Love has made people fight, rob, steal, and kill. Have you ever seen the movie “Troy”? That war happened because one man fell in love with another man’s woman. Just put yourself in the “anti-love’s” shoes. Imagine, sex with no emotional attachment. Imagine fulfilling your carnal desires with no worry of a relationship. Imagine a world with no heartache. Imagine simply fucking! You’ve never seen a heartbroken porn star have you?

Now I’m not saying whether love is or isn’t the way to go. Personally, I made my choice to go with love. However, who am I to frown upon the person who chooses not to fall in love? The “pro-loves” are quick to use the cliché “’Tis better to have loved and lost then never to have loved at all”. Well in the words of the wonderful Alicia Keys, I say “Try Sleeping with a Broken Heart”.

21 comments:

  1. I hear that OG. Im anti-love at the present. It Just feels better waking up.

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  2. Nitty you never cease to amaze me. Good post. I may have to follow this blog. I got a whole bunch of background in thinking, wondering, surveying people on these topics. Maybe I can contribute here and there.

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  3. ROB, THANKS FOR THE LOVE, AND I DEF. APPRECIATE THE FOLLOW. I'M ALSO DOWN FOR THE CONTRIBUTIONS.

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  4. You rock my socks! And I've always been anti love. It can be hard considering I'm a women and I have chemical shit to work out but other than that it works for me. Its easier to get so much more done not attached to somebody then it is being with somebody. But I'ma need you to continue to rock out with you cock out!!! :) Love Nola

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  5. When love is going well, it is so amazing and euphoric. But when it takes a turn for the worst, the vulnerability is excruciating. That alone will turn people away from love, but for us true lovers, it is only a learned lesson. At our next opportunity to love, we will try to love even "better" than we did before.

    I look forward to your next post!

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  6. I think love is awesome, but those stripper you refer to might love to be loved also. Some times falling out of love can be just as detrimental as being anti-love.

    Andrew!!! How can Anti-love feel better? ugh!

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  7. I'm a pro-lover. But anyone who has experienced heart break would like to run over Love with a monster truck and find those weapons of mass destruction Bush never could, and destroy love altogether.

    But if anything is worth the risk of the putting yourself out there naked and vulnerable--love is. And so this pro-lover has learned to take better risks.

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  8. I was once in love and when I lost love I went through that same heartache that you mentioned in your post. I think for a while I was depressed and to this day I do not think I am fully over her. I do know that what I went through helped me to grow, but at the same time I am still anti-love because I am afraid to test the waters and possibly be burned again. This blog post def made me think because since I have been single I have not looked for love, but I have looked to f*ck with no emotional attachment. Through my experience I have come to find that without that emotional attachment I think I have done more harm than good to myself and the women that I have encountered.

    Great post Nitty, def following the blog. I support it..

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  9. I can digg it Franc! Loved it... I get bewildered sometimes with the images, thoughts, and processes that the world gives us. But, I must say, I am pro love!

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  10. In our society, we use words so loosely without attempting to reveal or search for its true meaning. I don’t believe anyone has really experienced true love. First off, love is not a feeling; it’s an action. So, true love is not so much what we feel, but what we do. Most, if not all people love conditionally. If you love someone you expect them to love you in return or else there’s no love there. The fact that most of our relationships are conditional we’re unable to experience the unadulterated love that God created. True love is selfless and doesn’t manifest through sexual allusions. Therefore, in order to be “pro” or “anti” love we must ask ourselves “what is the true meaning of love” and “am I wrongly labeling what I feel or what I experience as love”? Food for thought…

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  11. I believe in embracing both true love and empty lust for all they're worth. In the end, however, I will always choose real love.

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  12. Every comment up here made me say HMMM. To Barbara, I am someone that has experienced true love, I am still experiencing true love. I love my babe unconditionally, We have been with each other through hell and highwater, and we still stay with and by each other sides rocking on. And we still have plenty of great times and fun. Also, anybody that knows me can tell you, I am no walk in the park, just ask my brother the creator of this blog, he'll tell you. See, in life we are told to love family just because of that word, see the difference with my man and I we made the choice to love each other, and we have stood by each other through some of everything. I can tell you everything we do is about our family, and there have been sacrifices made by both of us, but what we have is unconditional, and what you may see as a sacrifice in the beginning will be all worth it, and you won't sweat it. I can tell you now I am very much "Pro" Love, but I haven't always been, tell u the truth I never thought I would love this tough, so I definitely don't knock the "anti" lover. But when you experience that "I will give you one of my kidney type love", and I mean Literally, you'll know what I am talking about. Now there may be some hard times, but see sticking it out is what separates real love from real lust. But I will tell you this, the love has to be unconditional on both parts. It will never work if one person is giving 110% and the other person is giving only 10%, and baby true love is both feelings and actions. I hope you do come across that person that is willing to truly share themselves with you and vice versa.

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  13. Aiight sis. I see you. That's like a blog in and of itself. We definitely have some food for thought on this blog. I appreciate all comments. Please keep contributing, and be sure to follow this blog, so you can be made aware of future entries.

    NITTY

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  14. Tlee26...I do have a person that is currently sharing himself with me...my husband of 12 yrs (together for 17 yrs). So, it's not that I have not experienced "love". I can go as far as saying that when I bore my children I experienced "love" to a whole other level and dimension. But, is that Agape love or man-made love??? You said it best when you said both parties must be willing to put the effort forth to produce the love that you describe. It all goes back to that conditional love, though. There's an agreement and there's something in it for all parties involved. Have we truly experienced that love where there is no condition attached? The type of love Jesus has for us...where there's nothing we can give in return for what He has done for us? That's the love I look forward to and that I strive for...

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  15. The only being that can give us the type of love that Jesus has for us is Jesus and Our Lord. It is expecting a bit much to expect man or woman to give us that supreme type of love. Now, the Lord our Father did instill in us the gift of life, and this is what we do everyday, we live for each other as well as ourselves. You hear people say I love u som much I will die for you, I don't want that love, I want someone that is going to live for me. Now as far as children are concerned their is no question the love I have for my child, but I thought we were talking about relationships between men and women. And if after 17 years with your husband you are still looking forward and striving to another love, then I don't think you've experienced the type of love that I was talking about.

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  16. Good stuff Babz. I'm loving the fact that we can all have such open conversation about such topics. This is the kind of thing the community needs. It's quite healthy I think.

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  17. to franco, this was a very great topic, can't wait to see what the next one is, and to barbara, a pleasure to read your thoughts, and what ever it is you are striving for, I hope u reach it.

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  18. I do not believe that love is just an action. I believe that it is a feeling that is expressed through actions. The action needs to be tailor-made to fit the individual in order for he/she to feel the love.

    There are the three basic types of love: Eros (Erotic), Philia (brotherly), and Agape (unconditional. To me, each one is "true" love. In each case, the feelings are very real and significant. The question is: Is the love being effectively demonstrated so that the recipient actuall feels it? Do you know HOW to love properly? They say "love hurts" because there is so much opportunity to be misinterpreted. But in order for a person to truly feel loved, it cannot hurt.

    When you speak of being anti-love, the assumption is the reference to the eros form of love. But what about the person who refuses to make friends because their experiences prove that they cannot form the bonds of philia without being betrayed? Or what about the person who can not express agape love because they are constantly in search of complete reciprocation?

    True love, no matter what the type, is an art form. A true lover knows how to practice it effectively. Each experience and/or failure is an opportunity to learn to become a better lover. I believe that swearing off love is almost like refusing live. You can only learn to love through lessons in life. You attract what you put out. If you open yourself and exude love then love will come your way. You have to live the life of love.

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  19. I love this blog (no pun intended)! Great topic; I agree with much that was touched on. We live in a culture that endorses promiscuity and I believe that the Black youth is disproportionately suffering the consequences, due to these sexually charged (as opposed to love-motivated) lyrics and the semi-porn video follow ups. How do we expect to prevent and repair broken homes in the African American community if we continue to encourage the "bust a nut and keep it moving" mentality?

    Love is vital to our existence, so for anyone to claim that they are anti-love is basically setting themselves up for failure. If you want to have any kind of relationship with God, love must be in the equation. "And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love" 1 Corinthians 13:13. In some bible versions, "love" is replaced with "charity" and this should give us a better idea of what true love means. Like some have alluded to before, real love is like charity in a sense because it is given unselfishly and it is unassuming.

    To even try to understand the love that God has for us, you have to know what it is to truly love another human being, whether that be in a familial relationship or a romantic one. Building strong families is the key to repairing the misconceptions fed to today's youth and preventing further damage to future generations.

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  20. Tlee26...respect your comments. Love should be just that...love, regardless if it's man, woman, child, etc. So, whether we're talking about relationships or individuals, definition of love should remain unchanged. I may have not experienced your definition of love, because I do believe it's subjective in many ways. At least our carnal minds and our experiences make it subjective. But, I've experienced LOVE. Definitely, I'll reach the love I'm striving for...AGAPE LOVE! That's love that surpasses all understanding...

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