Friday, February 19, 2010

TO BE OR NOT TO BE (GAY THAT IS)

Ok I was watching the Tyra Banks show one day (don’t judge me, it’s entertaining) (http://tyrashow.warnerbros.com/ ), and the topic was centered around men who claim they are straight, but work as gay prostitutes, or do gay pornography for pay. No, that wasn’t a mistype. These men claim they are heterosexual, yet engage in homosexual sex for money. News Flash! Contrary to what these men and other people who agree with them believe; if you have homosexual sex, YOU’RE GAY! Don’t get me wrong, I’m not here to judge anyone for being homosexual (because who am I to judge right?). I’m here to set the record straight on what I believe it means to be a gay man. If you have sex with a man, you’re gay. If you perform sexual acts with a man, you’re gay. I don’t even understand what would make one think otherwise. These “straight” men claim the reason they don’t consider themselves gay is because they’re not sexually attracted to, aroused by, or interested in men. Well I’m not interested in constantly lying, but if I lie everyday because someone paid me to, then that makes me a liar. Furthermore, as a man, if you can get your dick hard to sex another man, then I think you are sexually attracted to, aroused by, or interested in men.
Men are not the only ones who I think are guilty of not acknowledging their homosexuality. I hope the women didn’t think I’d let them off the hook so easily. So again, I was watching Tyra (like I said, it’s entertaining, stop judging), and the topic, this time, was centered around women who label themselves “barsexuals”. A “barsexual” is defined as a woman who kisses or flirts with other women only in bars and other public settings (http://www.wisegeek.com/what-is-a-barsexual.htm), usually done to titillate a boyfriend or male onlooker with no intention or desire to follow through with same-sex actions (http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=bar-sexual). These women don’t consider themselves lesbian because they’re not sexually attracted to, or interested in women. They claim that they would never engage in such acts outside of a bar or similar venue. News Flash number 2! If you’re a woman, and you go around sucking face with other women (in public or private); YOU’RE A LESBIAN! You want to believe you’re not a lesbian, because homosexual acts amongst women is more accepted than those among men. Think about it, put two men in that same “barsexual” situation, and they’ll probably immediately be pegged as fudge packers. So why would the rules change for women? They don’t, it’s just easier to stomach two women kissing, than two men.
Now I would gather that there are representatives in the gay/lesbian community who would say that I’m wrong, and these people are not really homosexual, because it’s a whole way of life, commitment, etc. Well that may very well be the case, from a homosexual point of view. However, as a straight guy, I feel like once you cross over, you’ve crossed over. I’ve even heard straight women and men who’ve disagreed with what I’ve said about these “straight” people. To them I say, picture your man or woman in that same situation, and see if you wouldn’t call them gay. Say what you will people, the window dividing homo from hetero is not that foggy. Now it’s not mine to say whether a guy should be sucking cock, or a woman should be eating cooch; but it is mine to let you know how much louder your actions speak than your words.

29 comments:

  1. I totally agree.

    Question for you: If a man or woman is turned on by gay/lesbian porn, do you consider that homosexual, too?

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  2. I won't even start on the sleeziness that has become the Tyra Banks show (where does she get these topics???), but I would agree with you. If you repeatedly choose to engage in homosexual acts then yes you are gay/lesbian. If you have romantic feelings for someone of the same sex you are gay or a lesbian. If you like watching people of the same sex having sex then you are gay or a lesbian.

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  3. Yeah, I don't buy into the whole "this is just a job, when I am not on call I am straight." I also, do not have a problem with someone's sexuality, my problem comes in when ur not admitting this and you continue to have sex with people of the opposite. But,if you are having intercourse with the person of the same sex whether it is for money or pleasure then yeah pretty much you are gay, and if you are "barsexual" and you may have never gone all the way or you claim you wouldn't do it outside of the bar setting, you still have the tendencies.

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  4. I absolutely agree but at the same time there can be things that blur the lines. For example: If a man were blindfolded and sucked off by another man but assumed it is a woman, is that a gay sex act or just a preference of a sexual act? At this point its not about who is sucking you off but the pleasure you get from it.

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  5. BLACK B. I'VE ACTUALLY HAD A CONVO ABOUT THAT SCENARIO, AND WE AGREED THAT IF HE HAD NO IDEA IT WAS A MAN, THEN THAT DOESN'T MAKE HIM GAY.

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  6. This discussion leaves out the idea of someone being bisexual. Can someone be attracted to, and have sex with both sexes? It would explain a lot of whats going on with the straight gay porn actors, or the barsexuals. As Nitty pointed out above we are more accepting of labeling women as bisexuals but not men. When a woman kisses or hooks up with another woman it is OK to say she's bisexual (or drunk). When a man engages in sexual acts with another man, regardless of his past, present or future with women, he is labeled a homosexual. Bisexual, fact or fiction?

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  7. I think both men and women can be bisexual, but there's a line you have to draw between that being a "barsexual" or bicurious or whatever term you decide to give it. If you are a constant, willing participant in homosexual acts, you need to just admit to yourself that you are gay or bisexual if you like both. Either way, that's fine if that's who you are, but at that point you can't keep pretending to be straight.

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  8. Ok, (because I am intrigued) what about when men and women engage in threesomes?

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  9. I think threesomes can be kind of a gray area. If there's girl on girl or guy on guy I'd have to say that's kinda bisexual. Just my opinion.

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  10. I UNDERSTAND THE BISEXUAL THING, BUT I ALWAYS SAY, YOU GOTTA BE GAY B4 YOU CAN BE BISEXUAL.

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  11. 100%. I don't have to experiment with cock to know I want nothing do with it.

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  12. I'm so so wit this subject. I mean gay is gay. I don't really believe in Bisexual behavior or activity. Its jus an excuse people use to cover or hide their true nature or self. So whether gay for pay or bar sexual; u need to just own up to what it is u truly are or want.

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  13. So you're saying that to engage in romantic/sexual behaviors with someone of the same sex makes you gay....that would imply that NOT engaging in romantic/sexual behaviors with members of the same sex makes you NOT gay....but that's not necessarily true... So my point is, what defines you as gay? It can't be romantic/sexual behaviors in and of itself. And furthermore, why does there have to be this box that you fit into? perhaps you're not gay/straight/or bi.....anything is possible, no?

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  14. And another thing....what if you unknowingly have sex with a post-op transexual? Does that mean you're gay? And is sexuality a transient state? Perhaps it's something fluid that ebbs and flows over time........?

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  15. SUNNY G. IT'S ALSO ABOUT INTENT. IF YOU WANT TO HAVE HOMOSEXUAL SEX (EVEN IF YOU HAVEN'T ACTUALLY DONE IT) YOU'RE GAY. "ANYTHINGS POSSIBLE" ONLY MEANS THAT YOU CAN POSSIBLY BE GAY. THE BOX IS THERE G. ALSO IF YOU DIDN'T KNOW THAT YOU SEXED A TRANNY, THEN YOU'RE NOT GAY; UNLESS YOU CONTINUE TO DO IT. IT GOES BY WHAT YOU WERE BORN WITH.

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  16. Ok...so what if you develop a relationship with a tranny then so many months in you find out you're dealing with a tranny, but by this time you're emotionally connected enough to not wanna end it so you continue and everything about the person represents the opposite sex so who cares what was there before right now? Especially since the whole reason why someone would get a sex change is becuase they feel that they are internally the opposite sex and so they take the next step to become the opposite sex....

    What about having sex with a hermaphrodite? What are you then? Does that automatically make you bisexual?

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  17. OK SO IN MY LAST COMMENT, I WAS GOING TO ASK THAT NOBODY BRING UP HERMAPHRODITES. I DIDN'T THOUGH B/C I FIGURED THAT WOULD ACTUALLY SPARK A HERMAPHRODITE DEBATE. BUT OF COURSE, THERE ALWAYS HAS TO BE THE PERSON WHO BRINGS UP HERMAPHRODITES (SUNNYGLIGHT!). SO I WILL ADDRESS THE TRANNY AND HERMAPHRODITE SITUATIONS.

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  18. IF YOU DEAL W/ A TRANNY, AND DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS A TRANNY, THEN YOU'RE NOT GAY FOR THAT. HOWEVER! ONCE YOU FIND OUT THAT IT'S A TRANNY, IF YOU CONTINUE TO DEAL WITH THEM, YOU ARE GAY; NO MATTER IF YOU DEVELOPED FEELINGS OR NOT. THOSE FEELINGS WERE DEVELOPED UNDER HETERO CIRCUMSTANCES. SO TO ADJUST THOSE FEELINGS IS TO ADJUST YOUR SEXUAL PREFERENCE.

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  19. AS IT GOES FOR HERMAPHRODITES, I WILL SAY THIS. LIKE MOST OTHER RULES, WE ALWAYS SOMEHOW SEEM TO FIND THE EXCEPTION. THE HERMAPHRODITE COULD POSSIBLY BE THIS EXCEPTION. IT'S HARD TO SPEAK DEFINITIVELY TO HERMAPHRODITES. SO I'LL SAY IT COULD DEPEND UPON A FEW THINGS. YOU MAY NEED 2 ASSESS HOW THE REST OF THE BODY DEVELOPS. IF IT GROWS LIKE A MAN, THEN MEN MAY TAKE PAUSE. IF IT GROWS LIKE A WOMAN, THEN WOMEN MAY TAKE PAUSE. IN MANY CASES, HERMAPHRODITES GET 1 OF THE SEX ORGANS REMOVED (AS FAR AS I'VE LEARNED), SO YOU CAN THEN GO BY WHAT THE KEPT. ALSO, IF THEY KEEP BOTH ORGANS, THEN HOW ABOUT THIS: IF YOU'RE A MAN AND YOU START SUCKING HERME COCK...YOU'RE GAY. IF YOU'RE A WOMAN AND YOU START EATING HERME COOCH. YOU'RE GAY.

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  20. AND I HAVE ONE LAST THING TO SAY TO THOSE WHO WANT TO INCLUDE HERMAPHRODITES INTO THIS DISCUSSION. WHY! HERMAPHRODITES ARE SO RARE, WHY DO YOU FEEL THE NEED TO BRING THEM UP? IN STATISTICS, YOU LEARN THAT DATA WILL FALL INTO CERTAIN DEVIATIONS. SOMETIMES IT'LL FALL INTO A MAJORITY OR SIGNIFICANT MINORITY. YOU ALSO LEARN THAT THERE ARE OUTLIERS. AND WHAT DO WE DO WITH OUTLIERS? DISREGARD THEM (AT LEAST THAT'S WHAT I REMEMBER LEARNING). HERMES ARE OUTLIERS. HENCE, I CHOOSE TO DISREGARD THEM WHEN IT COMES TO THIS TOPIC. DON'T BE OFFENDED, I'M JUST KEEPIN' IT FUNKY.

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  21. IDK....It might be kinda interesting to get it on with a Herme....I'm just sayin! Don't knock it till you try it......NO I am NOT a herme btw.....just thought I'd clear that up

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  22. IF YOU'RE WILLING TO TRY A HERME B/C THEY HAVE BOTH PARTS, THEN YOU'RE PROBABLY GAY. SO ALTHOUGH YOU MAY NOT BE A HERME, YOU MAY BE A LESBE. I'M JUST SAYIN' (KANYE SHRUG)

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  23. Ok soooooo why do we need to hear from u that a guy is gay if he sleeps w/ a man? I'm just curious about why the obviuos is being stated. O wait maybe b/c there are people in the world who say "I don't eat pork...EXCEPT for ham on Easter & thanksgiving & when i go visit my grandmother cuz i dont wanna upset her." Its like HUH!!? So there are people in the world that misrepresent themselves - SHOCKING? NOPE..

    I believe people know if they are gay/straight/bisexual. There is an individual struggle/battle that has to be overcome for one to accept/embrace their homosexuality. There is still humiliation/shame associated with homosexuality so its not as easy for one to embrace or profess it. Therefore I can understand people denying their homosexuality.

    Its difficult and at times offensive to me when there is a discussion amongs straight people trying to define who/what a gay/lesbian/bi/tranny is. I have found myself surrounded by discussions like this about ME since i have become involved with women. I have heard its a phase, shes confused, she's crazy, she'll try anything - no she's not gay, she's experimenting, she's bi, she just likes sex. Why does it matter? Unless i'm sleeping w/ you it really doesnt matter.

    The labels don't stop w/ the straight community either, the gay community wants to know are u butch, futch, sporty femme, aggressive, top, bottom... & the list goes on and on.

    I like the "barsexual" term, never heard that before, thats great tho, lol. I cant wait to ask someone or hook-up w/ a barsexual!! Please identify yourselves, wear a freekin T-shirt!!

    To my straight people - I am gay, i am a lesbian, i am bisexual, i am a homosexual. To my gay people I am a bisexual aggressive femme. To be or not to be (labeled that is). Damn, I miss the days when i could just say I'm straight.

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  24. uhm, so my bad i might as well have wriiten anutha blog, i did it on my iphone i didnt know it would be this long on your page, lol. sorry!!

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  25. Keesha, interesting response, but you sound a little defensive. The labels are there and they are what they are, not so much as a judgement but a definition like anything else (doctor, teacher, mother, father, etc). I feel like your comment almost misses the point of the original blog. It's not that people can't be gay/lesbian/bi or whatever, it's not for any of us to judge, but whatever it is you have to be honest about it when dealing with other people, especially in relationships for instance, because there is a certain expectation that goes along with however you choose to label yourself. For example, if you're a lesbian and you're in a relationship with someone who says they're a lesbian you wouldn't expect them to sleep with men. The same is true if you are with someone who says they're straight then you find out they're a gay prostitute. They've defied the definition of what they said they were and misrepresented themselves, which is wrong in any circumstance not just gay vs straight. If you want to be one, the other, or all of the above, the point is to be honest about it, with yourself and others.

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  26. i'm very into labels: gay or straight. pick a side and stay there. lol. i pretty much agree with your sentiments, but at the same time acknowledge that sexuality isn't always black and white.

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  27. How can you suggest for someone to pick a side and stay there only to go on and say sexuality isn't always black and white? That makes no sense. I am someone who is not afraid of labeling myself or someone else so don't get me wrong, but I think labels are there only to make us feel better. It does nothing to help the world go round or for anyone else's life to be easy. It clearly defines your life for yourself. You know who is "good" "bad" "gay" "straight" "safe" "dangerous" etc.

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  28. Nitty you already kno where i stand on this if u even look at the same sex in any way n have a thought about a part of that persons body then u are gay i wont get 2 outta line but yea no straight man would ever think about doin that n if they do they are homo...Now the girl thing idk cus ive seen sum girls get down wit each other but never sexually (alot of times actually) so maybe they dont get down like that or maybe they are just worried bout wat ppl will say (personally im all for that its a 2 for 1 special) but im done now...

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