SAY IT WITH YA CHEST?

Have you ever been in a position where you wanted to express some sort of emotion or thought with someone you have feelings for, but you didn’t?  OF COURSE YOU HAVE!  We’ve all gone through it.  Even if you don’t go through it anymore, you’ve gone through it!  So let’s talk about it.  Now I’m not just talking about feelings of love/lust, etc.  It could be anger, resentment, or disappointment.  No limits here.  Why is it so difficult at times to share your feelings with someone you care about?

Well if it’s some sort of the cliché love/lust type feelings, then rejection often proves quite the deterrent when it comes to sharing (depending on where you are in that situation).  Hence why people say no one wants to be the first one to say “I love you”.  You don’t want to risk the awkward moment of the other party saying something like “O ok, good to know”.  The same can be said for simply trying to initially rap to a girl or guy.  No one likes rejection, so few want to risk rejection.

If you wish to express your disappointment with something, or discuss some sort of treatment you don’t agree with (i.e. “YOU CAN’T CAWL NO BODY?” *Jerome voice*), you may not share for fear of an argument or fight breaking out.  You may feel like the other may blow the subject out of proportion.  Or you may feel like the other may take the subject too lightly, and you’ll blow up.  Either way, it can result in you bottling up said feelings.

HERE’S THE QUESTION!  Should you always express your feelings to someone you have them for?  Will there always be a proper time/place for said “discussions”?  Now off top many of you may say “HELL YEA”, but let’s take a step back and review it.

I’m sure you’ve all heard some form of “If you have something to say you should say it”, or “Never hold back your true feelings, b/c you may never get the chance to share them again”, or “I’d rather say “At least I tried” than say “What if””.  Even “Yeezus” said “People never get the flowers while they can still smell ‘em”. 

Now all that does sound fine and dandy but what bout overkill?  What if you decided to tell someone you love them every single time you had the thought?  When I love someone I think about it quite often.  If you’re anything like me, that may result in quite a few calls, program interruptions, etc.  Is there no risk of it losing its flavor to the recipient?

I hear you when you say “you should never hold your feelings back”, but why not?  Don’t we hold back some kind of feeling(s) in life all the time?  Like the feeling of wanting to slap your *insert person here* if they piss you off?  Or the feeling of wanting to cuss that cop out b/c “there are real crimes they should be out fighting instead of wasting time giving you that speeding ticket”?  We hold back these feelings because we ultimately see no positive coming out of it at that time right?  Maybe?  How about maybe we should hold some feelings back to give the other person a chance to express theirs?  That may be crazy enough to work *shrugs*.

I’ve heard people say you shouldn’t ask questions you don’t necessarily want to know the answers to.  That actually makes sense to me.  That doesn’t mean that you may never ask the question (i.e. do you love me like I love you).  It could just mean you may not be ready for the response at this time (because it might be negative).  Maybe in time you’ll have built up the strength to be ready for whatever answer you receive.

Might there be a need for a certain balance when it comes to expressing your emotions?  A sort of “pick your battles” situation perhaps?  Even armies didn’t have to fight/win every battle to win a war right?  Would it be okay if I decide to just “let this go” and either visit it later or get over it altogether?  Sometimes I do feel like everything doesn’t need to be said.  However, how can one truly decipher what ultimately gets to lay claim to the distinction of “discussion topic”?

No this is not some blog where I have some definitive answer at the end.  Yes I can be just as confused as the next guy.  Maybe that’s why I always ask “Hey, what do I know?”

CHANGE IS INEVITABLE

“I don’t change for anyone. Love me for who I am or I don’t need you in my life.”

This is a statement I saw a lady post on Instagram fairly recently. I read this and thought to myself, “I hope she’s okay with being alone then”. Honestly people, we’ve got to stop trying to live in this “all or nothing”, “my way or the highway” farce of a world. People change everyday B! (Rico Voice).

Change is a part of life. Change comes with growth. So why wouldn’t one change for love? Now before you get all up in arms, I’m not saying you have to change every single thing about you for anyone. But you best believe, for love to work, change is necessary.

I don’t know one person who said they loved somebody for exactly the person they are, and that person never had to make a change. Even if the change was relatively minor, a change was made. More times than not, I’d imagine your love for a person may naturally change you in some way, shape, or form. There’s a woman who I was in love with. My love for her made me want to make certain changes in myself for her; for us! She loved me, but she also wished some things about me would change. I made changes, we prospered. I still had more changes to make. I didn’t make them in time. We broke up, and understandably so. But had I not made changes along the way, we wouldn’t have lasted as long as we did at the time, and vice versa.

Again, I’m not saying to change for just any ol’ body. What I’m saying is find somebody worth making some changes for, and act accordingly. Chances are, if the love is strong betwixt the two of you, they may not ask for a world of change; maybe just a state or two.

“I don’t change for anyone”. Oh we all change for someone. Whether it’s our boss, family member, close friend, teacher, Mark Zuckerberg *shrugs*, we change for someone. Even if you aren’t conscious of it, we do. Don’t be fooled. It’s okay to add one more person to that list…the person you find love with!

“Love me for who I am or I don’t need you in my life”. Wrong! Wrong! (Charlie Murphy voice). We all need someone in our lives. We all want/need love in our lives. For all my “believers” out there, isn’t that what man and woman were put on this earth for? To compliment and complete each other amongst all the other stuff? What makes you any different? I hear women speak this “I don’t need a man” shit all the time. YES! YOU! DO! Just because you may be able to live without one doesn’t mean you don’t need one. Hell, I can live without toothpaste and toilet paper, but you best believe I NEED that shit!

So good people, if this touched a wicked nerve for you then you probably needed to read this more than most. And to that I say mission accomplished! I’ve heard that in all things in this world change is inevitable. Not SOME things, all THINGS! The sooner you embrace this concept, the sooner you’ll be able to find that person worth changing for. But hey, what do I know?



THE CLOSER

Have you ever been broken-up with and wondered what the reason was?  Ever been cut off by someone and left scratching your head as to why?  Has someone who was becoming special in your life just stopped calling?  Or started dodging?  You see where I'm going with this yet?

I'M TALKING ABOUT CLOSURE PEOPLE!  You know, the seemingly dying art of actually letting someone know why you don't want to be with them anymore.  Giving them a real reason(s).  Not some cold-turkey "cutoff", or half-assed line/excuse, etc!  Being just as real in ENDING things as you may have seemingly been in STARTING things.

Now as I've done in the past, we'll refer to the person ending the relationship as the "breaker", and the person on the other end, the "breakee".  Here's a question for you.  Do you feel like the breaker owes it to the breakee to at least attempt to give them some kind of closure?  (I say attempt because you'll have those breakees who'll never be satisfied no matter how many reasons they're given.  Not much more can be done for them).  Should the breakee be hurt/offended by not being given closure?  Or should they just suck it up and keep it moving?

Now I'm not talking about one-night stands when I speak of giving closure.  I'm sure it's pretty easy to narrow down why you might not have been called back after that.  I'm referencing any relationship where you're dating, sexing, or sharing some "significant other" sort of time with each other (committed or not).

For some people, closure may be more than simply being told why a person no longer wishes to be with you.  The breakee may want the opportunity to respond to the issues.  If not for reasons of rectification, simply to be heard.  Regardless of the reason, are they entitled to this dialogue?  What good can come of it?  Lets chop this up a little bit and see what we come up with.

By giving the breakee closure, you may be able to preserve a friendship.  Of course this is dependent upon the nature of the breakup, and if there were a friendship to preserve.  Nonetheless, if the opportunity exists, why not take advantage of it?  Now some may say the friendship may never be the same.  Feelings may always linger.  Might it not be worth a roll of the dice try though?

Giving closure may prevent feelings of resentment.  The breakee may respect the breaker for showing such courtesy.  Some may say if a breaker doesn't give closure, then they probably don't care if you resent them or not.  Well maybe they don't, but you might want to think about that vindictive little lady named Karma.  Word on the street is she can be a real BITCH at times.

How about the learning aspect of giving closure?  By knowing what he/she did to turn the relationship south, the breakee may learn just what to do/not to do with the next person.  Hell, this may help the breaker learn how to better communicate with the next person.  Maybe discussing issues before they're ready to end a relationship might lead to problems being fixed, and allow a relationship to thrive.

Now if the aforementioned reasons are too debatable, or just not good enough to sway giving closure at the end of a relationship, maybe this last one may help.

SOMETIMES IT'S JUST A MATTER OF COMMON HUMAN DECENCY!  IT DOESN'T TAKE THAT MUCH FUCKING ENERGY TO BE A GOOD HUMAN BEING!

Please feel fee to post any and all comments!