Have you ever been in or seen one of those long-term
relationships that ended against one’s will?
Aka somebody got dumped (For adults, is it still getting dumped or
broken up with? *shrugs*), but there’s still a perceived chance for the dumped
to get back with the dumper? Sure you
have! Which is why I want to discuss
knowing when to “hold ‘em” and knowing when to “fold ‘em” (word to
Kenny!). In such a situation I think the
biggest question is when/how do you actually keep it moving?
Well I’d say the first step is realizing whether or not it’s
truly over. Even though you and your ex
may still be on speaking/friendly/benefit-friendly terms, at some point a
realization is going to need to be made.
Is there still a viable chance for you to get back with said ex? Yes, you may still be working toward it, BUT
you BOTH need to be working toward it.
Just because their allowing you to work on it, doesn’t mean you’re the
only one that needs to put in work.
Teamwork makes the dream work yea?
Of course this is where it can get tricky.
It’s okay to fight the good fight to be with someone who’s
in love with you. The catch is that
person actually needs to be IN LOVE WITH YOU!
Sometimes people tend to confuse being in love with someone with being
in love with the IDEA of someone. And
when I say “people” I mean both parties.
Yes even the dumper can think they may still be in love with you. While they may still quite truly love you,
they may only be IN LOVE with the IDEA of you.
What’s this idea business I’m talking about? I thought you’d never ask (I didn’t care if
you asked or not, I was still going to explain).
If you’re with a person long enough, they can get used to
the things you can/will do for them. The
sacrifices you’ll make for them. The
comfort/security you provide for them.
They still desire those amenities from you, but that doesn’t necessarily
equate to them desiring YOU! The
aforementioned (amongst others) make up the IDEA of you. They may be too comfortable to start from
scratch with finding those things in another person. Something like that first car you wanted to
replace, but it being your first car keeps you from trading it in. They like the convenience of knowing you’ve
been and will be there. Please don’t be
anyone’s mere convenience! Fight for
someone who’s in love with YOU, not the IDEA OF YOU. However, that’s definitely easier said than
done.
Beware of false hope.
The false hope of which I speak is what your ex may provide you with
(whether they realize it or not), causing you to think there is a viable chance
of rekindling the proverbial flame. That
person suddenly starts telling you things you want to hear. That person suddenly provides you with physical
(i.e. cuddling, sex, etc) and emotional (i.e. cuddling, sex, etc lol) comfort. That person may have you thinking you’re
getting back with them. That person
plays to your fantasy, and then brings you crashing back down to reality. THAT PERSON PROVIDED YOU WITH FALSE HOPE!
The false hope phase usually doesn’t seem to kick in until
you’ve actually decided to better yourself.
It seems like when you truly work on your healing process and finally
begin to make self progress, your ex starts to take a new interest in you. I guess everybody likes a budding success
story. That’s when the ex performs all
the false hope activities, and depending on your situation your progress may be
slowed, stopped, or even negated. PLEASE
APPROACH THIS AREA WITH EXTREME CAUTION.
Again, easier said than done!
When still dealing with your ex and fighting for what you
believe may potentially still be there, you also need to consider the potential
costs. Could you be costing yourself
love/happiness with someone else? Could
you be costing yourself love/happiness with yourself? There can be any number of associated costs
depending on your situation. It’s up to
you to weigh those. Again, easier said
than done!
Finally comes the hardest part: DECISION TIME!
DECISION TIME! Is
there TRULY a chance for you two to work out?
DECISION TIME! How
much of a chance TRULY?
DECISION TIME! Are
you ready to step out of your comfort zone?
DECISION TIME! Are
you truly ready to move forward and not look back?
I know moving forward WILL be difficult, and there WILL be
bumps along the way, but even if you trip along said way, isn’t it better to
fall forward than fall back? But hey,
what do I know?