THESE ARE THE BREAKS

 “You ever think about taking a break?”  “I think we need some time apart.”  “Maybe it’s time we took a break…from us.”

You may have heard some form of the phrases on T.V., in your friend’s relationship, or maybe even in your own.  If you’re anything like me, your response may be something like “WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN A BREAK FROM US?”  Or “SO YOU’RE BREAKING UP WITH ME?”  Now here’s where it gets iffy.  Apparently there are people who don’t see this as a break-up.  They literally see it as a break.  They wish to cut off all contact for some unspecified period of time until they decide if/when they’re ready to be together again.

HOW THE FUCK IS THAT NOT A BREAK-UP?  Seriously people, think about it!  It may be one thing if you’re up under someone everyday in a new or fairly new (unestablished even) relationship.  Then you may want to scale back some.  But I’m not addressing the rookies.  I’m talking about those in firmly established long-term relationships.  The ones that may see marriage as a possibility (or inevitability).  How do you figure a “break” is:  1.Necessary, and 2.Not a break-up?  I guess I’ll take this time to figure the difference people find between the two.

Those who are pro-break seem to simply see it as time apart.

 As an anti-breaker I ask:  Time apart to do what exactly?  See others?  Be alone?  Will there be no seeing each other?  No speaking to each other?  Or both?  Is this some “absence will make the heart grow fonder “ shit?

A pro-breaker may say it gives one time to analyze their situation.

Well what the fuck have you been doing?  Have you just been living in some sort of ignorance?

A pro-breaker may say it can allow them to focus on other aspects of their life.

So is your significant other a distraction?  So much so you need a “break”?  Should you even be with them then?  Is the break supposed to help you figure that out?  If so, then is your question not already answered?

A pro-breaker may say a break also gives their significant other a chance to do all of the aforementioned tasks.

Well what if these weren’t issues for them?  What if they didn’t need a damn break to figure all that out!  What if they actually used the communication and experiences shared with their significant other to make such assessments?  Where does that leave them!

Are “breakers” not concerned about how the “breakee” may feel?  You may think this break is temporary, but did you account for possible long-term or permanent effects?  You may alienate a person.  A breakee may now feel totally abandoned at this point.  You essentially left them high and dry.  They may be wondering what they did to deserve such treatment.  They may begin to resent you, and if that happens, they may not be able to bounce back. 

Did you think about their attention possibly being diverted elsewhere?  How would you feel if this “break” is the reason they decide to see what else the world has to offer?  While you’re out there analyzing your situation or “finding yourself”, they may be getting found by someone else.

When you decide you’re done with your break, what if your significant other is no longer at ease with you?  How can they be sure you won’t pull a stunt like this again?  You may have essentially broken the trust in your relationship.

For everybody who thinks taking a break is a solution to problems in your relationship, just make sure you can handle the potential backlash, because shit can backfire and come back to bite you IN THE ASS!  Just remember, when some things break, the pieces can’t always be put back together.

WHY WOMEN CHEAT... BETTER

Now you may be wondering why this entry isn’t simply titled; “Why Women Cheat." Well contrary to what you may believe, women tend to cheat for the same reasons as men. Don’t believe me? Something told me you wouldn’t. So I took it upon myself to find out from the source. I surveyed a small sample of women as to the reasons why women cheat, and here are my findings.

I GOTTA GET MINE
Many of the women surveyed said women cheat if the sex is wack. No real surprise there. I’ve heard many a woman complain about boring sex, or insufficient sex. We’ve all heard about the infamous “two-minute brother” “two-pump chump”, and what was the name of that song back in the day, “Short Dick Man”? Women have physical needs just like men, and they may stray to have those needs fulfilled. *For the record I’m NOT writing from experience on this one (Scorpios Rule!).

“WHY, WHY? TELLEM THAT IT’S HUMAN NATURE”
Two more of the biggest reasons given for why women cheat are the quest to find more emotionally. Women require attention from a man. Women require love, and caring from a man. Sound familiar? If you’ve read my last blog entry WHY MEN CHEAT  it should. Our needs aren’t all that different from each other. After all, aren’t we all human?
Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, let’s get down to it. Why do women seem to cheat better? Are they really that much craftier, more conniving, or smarter than us? Although some may argue that this is the case, I choose to look more closely. Let’s get forensic with it.

THE USUAL SUSPECTS
Men have been known for sleeping around with multiple women since the days of concubines. We’ve built up such a reputation for coochy-hopping that we’ve been placed under a constant microscope when it comes to the cheat game. So if the subject of cheating arises, a man is almost always going to be suspected over a woman. It’s like suspecting an ex-con for a crime over a person with no record. If you put the two on a stand and asked “Who done it”, 9 times out of 10 people are going to blame the ex-con. So ask who’s cheating, and it’s almost always going to be the man.

ACT LIKE A LADY
Society has taught us that it’s not in the nature of a woman to cheat. Little girls have been often taught that they are to learn how to take care of a household, including man and child; often in attempt to find a good husband. Little boys have been taught how to be aggressive in school, career, etc. We’re supposed to learn all the ways of the world. So while we’re out learning these ways, we expect a woman to be somewhere “waiting” on us. As you conquer the world, someone may be home conquering your girl. While you think she’s home baking some chicken, she just might be getting some dick in.

THINK LIKE A MAN
A man is usually less willing to believe his woman would cheat on him than vice versa. This can be attributed to male ego. His pride can be his own worst enemy. I’m sure you’ve heard plenty of men say stuff like “I got the pussy on lock”, or “She ain’t goin’ nowhere”. Men have long been taught that no “real man” let’s another man take his woman. The problem is that opinions can differ on the definition of a real man. A real man doesn’t just assume his woman won’t cheat. A real man will make sure he keeps his woman satisfied physically, emotionally, and otherwise so she doesn’t want to cheat.

So why do women seem to be better at the cheat game? Are they slicker, sharper, or just plain better? I’m not sure, but I have my doubts. What I do know is they have better cards up their sleeves. DUECES!

WHY MEN CHEAT

“WHY DO MEN CHEAT?”  This has been a question posed by women since waaaay before I was born.  This has been a question that many men have avoided as much as possible.  This has been a question that many men don’t have the answer to.  This has been a question that many men have given answers to.  This has been a question that whether men have avoided it, not known the answer to it, or actually answered it, results in the same general reaction from women:  They’re just as dissatisfied as they were before they asked, and they continue to ask this question.  Well ladies, I’m going to attempt to satisfy your craving for the answers to your question, but like most other men, I probably won’t please all of you (all pun intended).

IT’S MY CAKE, WHY SHOULDN’T I EAT IT?

So let’s start off by getting the obvious, shallow reasons out of the way.  Some men are just plain greedy.  They want to jump as many bones as they can whether they’re in a relationship or not.  They’ll even try to justify their greed by expressing a sense of entitlement.  I remember back in my undergrad days, a guy I know once said, “Why would God have given me a lifetime of sperm if he didn’t want me to spread my seed?”  Now I’m not saying what he said didn’t have some legitimate sense to it, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t think that statement was inspired by greed.

“IT’S YOU OK! I LEARNED IT BY WATCHING YOU!”

Some men cheat because that’s how they were raised (albeit intentionally or not).  They may come up as children watching their father run around with different women.  I personally know (and know of) men whose fathers would take them along when they would go to be with their various women.  They’ll tell you, that was the life they knew then, so that’s the life they live now.

PUT YOUR BACK INTO IT!

Now here’s a shell shocker for some of you women out there.  As much as you may complain about weak sex from men, please understand that wack pussy does exist!  Yeah I said it!  Bad sex can definitely turn a man to seek sex elsewhere.  What constitutes crappy cooch?  Well that’s a matter of opinion.  Some of you like to be lazy during sex.  Some of you like to be plain during sex.  Some of you just don’t know what you’re doing and don’t try to learn.

WHAT THE FUCK! (WHERE’S THE FUCK IS MORE LIKE IT)

…But to the women who are giving up the weak buns…AT LEAST YOU’RE GIVING IT UP!  Which leads me to another reason men cheat; a total lack of sex.  In case you haven’t figured it out by now, the average guy likes sex.  Scratch that.  THE AVERAGE GUY LOVES SEX!  If you deprive that man of that which he’s come to love, why wouldn’t he seek it elsewhere?  Now I’m not saying that sex is everything, but it’s a major thing!

WHEN IT RAINS IT POURS

We’ve all probably heard the term “Nobody wants you until you’re taken”.  The very truth in this statement can attribute to a man going astray.  At this point some of you ladies might be saying “GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE”, but just hear me out.  Women are used to men pursuing them; it’s in our very nature to skirt-chase.  So when a woman is spoken for, and a man tries to get at them, it’s generally believed that she can turn him down with no sweat (I stress GENERALLY believed).  However, when women decide they want a taken man, he might be in a bit more of a pickle.  As I said earlier, a man is used to hunting, not being the prey.  So when a woman goes after him, he may not be readily prepared ward her off.  If she’s aggressive enough, the flesh can get weak, and before you know it he’s all shacked up.  Now you ladies may still be saying “GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE”, but I know you feel me at least a little bit (jus don’t feel me too much, after all I am a man).

BOYS WILL BE BOYS.

You know how women are always saying how guys can be so immature, or act like children?  Well if you’ve ever made such a claim then you should also understand that we need almost as much attention as a child.  Just think about it:  We want you to feed us, clean up around us, care for us when we’re sick, and generally pay attention to us (except during the game).  If a child is not getting adequate attention from their mother, then they may very likely turn to their father.  If a man is not getting adequate attention from his woman, he may very well set his sights on another woman.

Now I know plenty of you wish to make the statement “Well if it’s that bad that he must cheat then why doesn’t he just leave”.  I plan to answer that in my next blog entry.  In the mean time, what I suggest you do is take what I’ve given you, and use it to lay down the blueprint on how to reduce the odds of a man going astray.  Outside of the greedy man, the purpose of the examples I gave is to show you ladies that it’s going to take work, probably hard work to keep a man faithful.  Don’t let this get you down though.  After all, aren’t the best things in life hardest fought for?

The Image above is from the movie "Hav Plenty"

SOMETHING ON THE SIDE

 

“How the hell could you mess with another woman’s man!?”  “Do you really want to keep getting his sloppy seconds!?”  These are just a couple of the phrases that we hear all too often when people address the matter of the mistress, mister, or quite simply “the side joint”.  As long as I can remember, it’s being the side joint has always been taboo.  They’re never respected, and people tend to blame them for the break-up of a happy home.  People generally don’t see what good could come out of being the side joint.

My question is this:  Have you ever truly asked a side joint why they would choose to be just that?  Everyone speaks up for the boyfriend/girlfriend, husband/wife.  Yet no one speaks on behalf of the third party.  Well even criminals get to be heard/represented in a court of law, so I say let’s look into the potential benefits of being on the side.

Ideally, one benefit of being the side joint is the no-strings-attached-sex.  Think about it!  Often time, if a taken man or woman gets involved with you, it’s usually for sex and not much more.  Now one may argue that you can get that kind of sex from a single person.  I won’t argue that possibility, but all too often we’ve seen or experienced the situation where one person begins to want more than sex.  Did you ever stop to think that this happens because that person has the option of focusing all their time on you?  Undivided attention from her can often equate to unwanted attention from him.  Start sexing someone who can only afford to pay you limited mind, and you’re good.  Of course nothings guaranteed, but if I were a betting man, I’d most certainly play those odds.

Now let’s address the opening lines of this entry.  How could she mess with another woman’s man?  Easy, she’s attracted to him, and she has no ties to the other woman (or maybe she does have ties to her and just doesn’t give a damn).  Maybe the question you want to ask is, “how could he mess with another woman?”  As for the one about sloppy seconds; seconds are only sloppy if you’re eating directly out of his plate.  So as long as she bathes regularly, there’s nothing sloppy about it.

People like to call side joints home-wreckers, but are they really?  They usually have no attachment to the home ‘nor the other people in it.  It’s not their job to preserve the home.  So if anyone’s a home-wrecker wouldn’t it be the boyfriend/girlfriend, husband/wife in question?  Actually let’s go out on a limb and look at it from another angle.  Often time a side joint may help to distract a person from whatever’s making them unhappy in their relationship.  If the side joint is successful in serving as this “escape” of sorts, then the chances may be better of that person going home happy.  If they’re happy, and they make their unsuspecting partner happy, then wouldn’t that make the side joint sort of a home-preserver?  There may actually be some good in the bad you accuse them of doing.

We tend to bash the side joints of the world, but are we really just in doing so?  After all, don’t we support music that glorifies cheating?  “Me and Mrs. Jones”, “Kiss and Say Goodbye”, “As We Lay”, “My Little Secret”, “Boyfriend Number Two”, and the list goes on.  We don’t condemn these people, so why should we condemn the people who simply seem to be living out these lyrics?  After all, “A meal ain’t a meal without something on the side”…Right?

MEN LIE WOMEN LIE

“Why be in a relationship if you’re going to lie?” 

How many times have you heard that line?  So many people believe that there should/will never be any lies in a perfect relationship.  What is a perfect relationship anyway?  We may have to address that in the next blog post.  But I digress.  A relationship isn’t necessarily bad if there are lies that are told.  Just like many facets of a relationship (or life in general), it’s all relative.  Let’s look deeper into this.

If your woman asks you if she looks fat or ugly in an outfit, you may have been taught to tell her she looks fine, just to avoid any conflict.  This is an instance where the truth should probably be told; because if you think she looks bad (and you’re a man) then lord knows who else will share your same feeling.  The same applies vice versa.  Don’t you want your better half to look like your better half?  I believe issues like how your lady looks in a dress or to-do’s on a list shouldn’t be lied about.  What are you truly protecting by lying about it?  If the truth were to come out that you lied about these little things, then your bf/gf might wonder what else you’re capable of lying about.

Sometimes lies are just plain necessary.  Yea I said it!  Let’s be honest (no pun intended), if we told the truth to our significant others 100% of the time, then they’d probably break up with us about 80% percent of the time.  Can you imagine always telling your girlfriend or boyfriend every time you had a lustful thought about another person if they asked?  How about if they ask how many people you had sex with (assuming you had a high number)?  Or if they questioned whether you’d be into certain things that you know they’re not (i.e. orgies, swinging, anything)?

Countless times I’ve heard women ask “why must a man lie about cheating on his woman.”  He lied because he doesn’t want to lose his woman.  He wants to keep his relationship in tact!  If he told the truth, she might up and leave.  “Then why not leave her for the other woman?”  He may have 100 reasons for that.  Now I’m not going to get into the whole why men cheat debate, but you wanted the truth, and there’s your truth.

People don’t really want to know the truth to the questions they ask.  They wish to believe they want to know, but they soon find out they can’t handle the truth.  Even as much as I’d like to believe that I can accept any truth my woman tells me.  She may possibly be holding the one straw that could break this camel’s back.  Lying in a relationship may not be the most positive method on the surface, but it might possibly be the best option considering all possible alternatives.  There’s some truth for you.  Now can you handle that?

FRIENDS TO THE END?

“There’s no such thing as male/female friendships.”

“A female friend is just someone a man hasn’t fucked yet.”

These are just a couple of the statements I’m sure many, if not most of us have heard over the course of our lives. For me it raises the question: Can men and women truly be platonic friends? Some may say yes, many will say “hell fuckin’ no”. It’s commonly believed that in a male/female friendship that someone is always interested in being more than just friends; that often-time the interested party is secretly biding their time, hoping for an “opening”.

If this is always the case, then what does that say for all of my female friends? Should Keesha be worried about me trying to pipe her the next time I see her? Should I be worried about her trying to ride this cock? Are Andie and I liable to fuck any time we hang out? The editor of this very blog is a good female friend of mine. Should I only maintain internet contact with her for fear of two freak Scorpios being in the same place, and consequently getting’ it on? On second thought, maybe I should avoid her. I’m just kidding (but I’m not) (inserts LOL here for wifey’s benefit).

Seriously though, how am I supposed to properly function as the socialite that I am if the woman who is being my friend (or at least is pretending to be) has a “fucking” agenda? (Pun intended) How am I supposed to maintain the beautiful friendships I have with women if they’re worried about me trying to penetrate their “fleshy gates”. If everybody’s on-guard, are we truly friends? How many platonic, opposite-sex friendships do you really have? Take a personal inventory and hit this blog with your results.

LABEL MATES

“You got a boyfriend?” 

“Something like that.” 

“Is that your wifey?”

 “Nah not really, we’re still kind of dating.” 

“If you two are together, why is he still going out on dates with other women?” 

People have questions and conversations like these all the time.  The reason is because couples either don’t communicate or fail to realize what stage or type of a relationship they’re in.  It’s about time we tried to really break down what these labels mean.

1. FUCK BUDDIES

Do you really need an explanation for this?  If so, I might need to create a relationships (or relations) 101 blog just for you.  Fuck buddies are two people who agree to simply have sex with each other.  Nothing more; nothing less.  They’ll usually only contact each other to set up sexual encounters.  Might they have casual phone conversation?  Maybe, but the purpose of these conversations is still usually to set up sex.  They’re entire association is predicated on sex.  Simply put, they’re just fucking.

2. FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS (F.W.B)

Some people may confuse F.W.B.’s with fuck buddies.  The difference between the two is the FRIENDS part.  The two parties have already established a friendship.  These friends may spend so much time together that a mutual physical attraction developed.  Then the “Right Place Right Time” scenario may have played itself out, leading to their initial sexual encounter.  From then on they decide to continue having sex without taking it to “the next level” (whatever that may be).  So they’re still friends, they’ve just decided to add said benefits.  Although being friends can prove easy, adding benefits can make things tricky.  When you throw sex into the equation, rational thoughts can become irrational, and sound judgment can become mute.  Often time one of the friends will develop feelings from the benefits, and begin to act like they’re exclusive.  Now if the other party has not agreed to these new terms, it can cause not only a problem with (receiving) benefits, it can lead to a rift in the friendship.

3. DATING (or “TALKING TO”)

Dating is pretty much just that.  It’s where two parties agree to start going out on dates, usually to get to know each other better and see where their situation may lead.  The actual dates don’t have to be limited to the clichéd dinner and a movie.  You can do or go wherever so as to learn about the other person.  The thing about dating is that you may be free to date other people.  After all, just because you’re starting to learn about a person doesn’t mean you can’t learn about others.  What people tend to misconstrue when dating is prematurely expecting exclusivity.  What they must realize is that many to most people don’t just start dating with the expectation of being exclusive.  Dating is a process of feeling someone out (or up ;<)).  I mean don’t you feel a few mangos or try on different outfits before choosing one?

4. COMMITTED EXCLUSIVE RELATIONSHIP (C.E.R.) (also known as, “WIFED UP”)

A C.E.R. should be self-explanatory, but since things don’t always work the way they should, I’ll give you my definition of it.  In a C.E.R. both parties have agreed to be committed exclusively to each other.  This means no more pursuing, sexing, or dating other people.  You’re no longer on the “market”.  You’re no longer “playing the field”.  You’re ready to settle with this one person for the long haul.  Does this guarantee that you’ll be in it for the long haul?  No!  But it means you’re giving it a try.  Well people may say if a C.E.R. is that cut and dry, how do you explain the ones where one partner is still seeing other people?  Well either both parties did not agree to be committed to each other in the first place, or someone’s a cheater-plain and simple.  Why did that person decide to cheat?  Well that’s a topic for another blog discussion.

Now this blog entry is not meant to tell people what kind of relationship they should be in, nor is it some map directing you to that special someone.  Consider this simply my mini dictionary to you, because if you can be clear about what you’re getting into, you may be able to avoid cloudy judgment.  I’m simply trying to help you look before you leap.  Any feedback, questions, or opinions are greatly appreciated.